Polybloggimous

Anon GF Is Bored To Tears By SciFi.

2012-05-30T17:54:00.001-04:00

Except Firefly. That was pretty good.

And Serendipity. That too.

Oh! And Battlestar Galactica. That wasn't bad.

And as long as we watched that, Caprica was O.K.

"Oooh! Let's watch some more Dr. Who tonight!"

Resistance is futile!

P.S. She's announced that she's knitting me a TARDIS. w00t!

JEEEEEEZUS, It's loud in here!

2012-05-25T13:45:00.001-04:00

Just a few random things for you.

The house two doors down from us is undergoing a gut-renovation. They knew they'd be removing the entire interior, but I think they were a bit surprised when they discovered they'd have to completely replace the roof. And the entire back wall. And most of the floors. They work from 8:30 or so in the morning til Five-ish. They're really nice, but they're LOUD.

The church five doors down from us in the other direction is being turned into condos. In addition to whatever interior construction that requires, they're also putting in a 30 car underground garage and putting up another building in the rear yard. When they started excavating for the garage, they had a steady procession of larger and larger equipment to deal with the "rock" that turned out to be directly and continuously connected to a small mountain somewhere in Pennsylvania. I've never met any of these guys, but they too are LOUD. They, also work during the daytime, so it's not the end of the world.

Then there's the school across the street from us. They're doing masonry work. But they "can't" do the work during school hours, so those guys come to work at 4 in the afternoon and work til 11 at night. And they're chipping and grinding and banging and every other damned thing they can think of to make noise. Until 11 o'clock every night. I'm pretty sure there's a guy there whose job is to just bang a couple of cans together. THEY'RE LOUD. And they're scheduled to be there for EIGHTEEN MONTHS. I hate them.

There's another house being renovated next door to the church. They've been on a stop-and-start schedule for a while now -- depending on when they have money to continue working. They're mostly stopped. I've never met them, but I like them a lot.

Some of this may make me a BAD PERSON, but I think I can live with the stigma.

CSI: Brooklyn. Ornithological Division.

2012-05-13T22:32:00.000-04:00

On the evening of Thursday, May 10th, a deceased pigeon was discovered behind the trash cans at a Brooklyn residence. Local authorities responded promptly and began a thorough investigation.

Cause of death remains undetermined at this time, but the circumstances are being characterized as "suspicious".

Through this surveillance photo, Police have identified a "Pigeon of Interest" and hope to locate him for questioning.

Police are actively requesting information from the public and assure you that all callers' confidentiality will be protected.

Updates will be supplied as warranted.

Stuff In The Yard.

2012-05-07T15:56:00.000-04:00

Yet Another Recipe For My Friends!

2012-05-03T13:09:00.003-04:00

Stuff I Found On The Sidewalk. A Participatory Thread.

2012-04-25T11:24:00.001-04:00

Item, the first:

I ran across this nifty little pair of sunglasses a month or so ago. They're utterly useless and but I couldn't resist picking them up and I couldn't get myself to throw them away. Then I decided to show them to you guys. Obviously, they needed to be shown with something to provide a bit of scale.

Which brings up this question: When you give these two guys the right accessories, it's obvious that they were total badasses; Name the currently-living hottie each would be dating. (Note: If you choose to go there, feel free, but any votes for Bieber will get you tossed out of the family; remember - badass!)

Item, the second:

Sadly for them, but fortuitous for us, preadolescent girls' tradecraft isn't very well developed, so I was able to intercept this dead drop clandestine communication. (Note to aspiring spies: If the wind is blowing your secret missive around, you're doing it wrong.) Anyway, take a look.

The front of the little envelope with obvious code names.

The rear of the little envelope with cryptic notation

One side of the enclosed note. Is it a map? Who are the mysterious characters and where are they being sent?

And finally, the meat of the issue.

What, pray tell, is G.R.O.S.S.?*

Ginormous Ruminants Of the South Seas?
Girls Romping On Sudanese Sofas?
Giraffes Raiding Opthalmic Super Stores?

I WANT ANSWERS!

P.S. Do you think I should call this in?

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*I tried scraping off the White-Out, and I tried holding the note up to a light, but the obliterated part of the note is pretty effectively obliterated. I'm assuming G.R.O.S.S. stands for Getting Rid Of So-and-So (initials S.S.), but that's not all that much fun.

Prepare To Be Assimilated. Resistance Is...Hey! Come Back Here!

2012-04-24T11:43:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, we paid one of our infrequent visits to The Brooklyn Flea. I gotta be honest; there are only so many times you can look at the nifty "repurposed stuff" over and over again. And I'll admit to a fairly low threshold for artisinal, locally made things -- especially when you find out that the only thing local about it is that it's designed in some woman's Brooklyn apartment, but manufactured for her in India.

On the other hand, there's always good stuff to eat. Anon GF and I shared a lobster roll and a shrimp roll -- both of them really yummy. And we scored some homemade donuts!

Then we left to go get a beer.

Not only a great label - "Tempered over burning witches"! - but it truly didn't suck.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. I did witness this near luring-over-to-the-dark-side of a little girl.

Oooh, look! Dinosaurs!

A whole wagon-load of dinosaurs!

Our test subject is drawn in. Dreams of paleontology are being hatched!

Aaaaand, the jewelry display wins.

Ah well. she may be back. And this is totally apocryphal, but I've heard that some little girls who've gotten Lego's new girl-centric version are having no trouble figuring out how to build little pink trebuchets to storm the walls of Cinderella's Castle!

Besides that, did I mention there was seafood and beer? Followed by napping? All in all, a highly successful Sunday!

We'd Like A Word With You, Please, Mr. Nugent.

2012-04-21T10:48:00.000-04:00

Last week, a week that was already pretty eventful for the U.S. Secret Service, got even eventfuller when Ted Nugent exercised his First Amendment Right to scream, THERE'S A FIRE IN THAT THEATER AND I LIT IT AND IF I DIDN'T LIGHT IT, I'M GONNA LIGHT IT AND MAYBE I'M JUST BEIN' METAPHORICAL (WINK, WINK, NUDGE, NUDGE), BUT IF I'M NOT, IT'S YER OWN DAMN FAULT. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA!

Ted can get a bit breathless sometimes.

As a result, the Secret Service was forced to take time off from vetting South American Entertainers to interview Mr. Nugent. It's since been reported that they have deemed Mr. Nugent to be no threat to the President, but I found myself intensely curious about what the contents of that conversation might have been. Fortuitously, my cabal of International spooks, spies, moles, undercover operatives, intelligence agents, sleepers, infiltrators, espionage experts, sleuths and snoops were able to get me a synopsis of Mr. Nugents audience with The Man.

The conversation began with Agents Brobdingnagian and Behemoth getting right to the point and asking Ted for a clarification of his statement, “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year”.

Mr. Nugent explained that although he had begun by speculating about any results from an Obama reelection, he had immediately lost his train of thought and moved on to considering the possible ramifications of crossing a busy street or hunting pandas out of season; possibilities that might leave him deceased or incarcerated. "It was more in the way of a non sequitur", he concluded.

Agents Brobdingnagian and Behemoth allowed as how that made a certain kind of sense and moved on to other topics of interest. Behemoth asked about another Nugent statement to the effect of, "...I don't know how they do it but they sure do it good. I hope they're doin' it for free" and followed up by querying about Mr. Nugent's success with locating those who were "doing it for free". Nugent acknowledged that he had, in fact, had great success in those endeavors during his more youthful days, but attributed much of it to loud music, and substance abuse among his fans. Brain trauma was another factor that was posited.

Behemoth moved on to a discussion of what Mr. Nugent might consider desirable when selecting travel companionship which Mr. Nugent summed up by saying, "All you pretty woman, you're so far and in between. I don't need no fancy tarts; I need the ones that's clean". When questioned about the specific steps of the Wango Tango, Nugent demurred, explaining that he was no longer as agile as he once had been.

The interview was concluded when the Agents sought out Mr. Nugent's wisdom on types he chose to avoid. Nugent responded:

"She's big
Thunder Thighs
She got a big leg
Thunder Thighs
Big lady
Thunder Thighs
No, no, wait a minute darling
Wait, wait a minute baby
Don't sit on me
Don't sit on me
You can do anything,
But don't sit on me
Bitch!"

Agents Brobdingnagian and Behemoth thanked Mr. Nugent for his time and requested that he avoid discussing the President, difficulties with negotiating traffic and outdoor sports in the same sentences to avoid any future misunderstandings. Mr. Nugent thanked them for their devoted non-partisan service and expressed his sincere hope that the Agency would find his pointers beneficial.

The Secret Service: On It's Own Time, On It's Own Dime!

2012-04-18T18:07:00.001-04:00

There's a lot of hand wringing going on because apparently some Secret Service Agents and other members of the President's advance team may* have spent an evening with some prostitutes while getting ready for Obama's trip to Columbia. Do I think they did? Of course they did.

Am I upset about it? Think its some kind of big deal? Au contraire mon freres! Those guys are paragons of frugal government.

Look...the General Services Administration is in a heap of shit because they spent nearly a million bucks on a convention. They had clowns and fortune tellers and shit. They had cheese platters.

THEY GOT RIPPED OFF! I mean, c'mon; the guys who are supposed to save the government money couldn't get a fucking clown for a couple hundred bucks? Pikers! And that was your money!

The Secret Service, on the other hand were hooking up with Trollops-For-Less™. I've heard these girls were going for $47 a pop! And the only reason they got caught is because one guy thought it was too much! (That's what I heard anyway. You can SnopesThatShit.)

Another comparison? You can bet those GSA pukes were expensing every damned thing! Nobody's accusing the Secret Service of trying to put the girls on Petty Cash. Talk about living within your Per Diem!

Those guys are my heroes. I couldn't be prouder.

Update: I'm now seeing a report that says the guy who wouldn't pay had originally agreed to shell out $800! This does not alter my premise. It only backs up the idea that these courageous gentlemen are even more thrifty than I first imagined. A GSA twerp would have paid the $800 and forked over a $300 tip!

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*I've italicized "may" to give the appearance of fairness. Feel free to sprinkle some "alleged"s liberally around this post too if you're so inclined.

It's The Day After National Beer Day!

2012-04-08T09:01:00.002-04:00

Sorry folks. I'm just not ready to move on yet.

It's National Beer Day!

2012-04-07T09:35:00.001-04:00

Today marks the effective end of Prohibition -- April 7, 1933, when beer was once again permitted to be sold in the U.S. Even without all those Depression Era recovery programs and WWII and stuff like that, this would have guaranteed FDR's place as one of the great Presidents!

A true hero of his era.

Two unfortunate notes: 1.) I wasn't paying enough attention, so I missed notifying you of New Beer's Eve yesterday, so you may have gotten a late start celebrating. And 2.) Beer, since it's made from fermented grains is not Kosher for Passover. This inauspicious confluence of the Solar and Lunar Calendars means that observant Jews will have to delay marking the occasion. (I'm a heathen backslider, so I intend to celebrate both for myself and to exercise my tribe's proxy.)

W00t!

Adorable Baby Stuff Is Adorable! (Now with Additional Adorable!)

2012-04-06T18:21:00.000-04:00

We had a new nephew born about a week ago, so, in preparation, Anon GF has been knitting like a Banshee! (Banshee's do too knit!)

There's a pea pod (with cap and stem!) to stick the kid in. There's a tomato hat. And there are those little cloths babies puke on -- the ones specially covered with aliens! And just to give the kid a head start on having class, he'll be resting in a little baby Mondrian blanket!

Updated to add: I bet you wanted to see some of the other stuff. And the kid!

The kid wearing the pea pod cap.

The pea pod and cap (sans kid).

A space ship and alien. To spit up on!

Asshole-Americans Have Rights Too!

2012-04-03T21:22:00.000-04:00

Update 4/5/12: The underwhelming response to this post (thanks for at least trying Steve), suggests to me that my usually brilliant wit may have been on hiatus when I wrote it. On the other hand, it has been pointed out that my premise was faulty from the start. There are already some fine role models for gays aspiring to the dark side -- they're called Log Cabin Republicans. I can't really argue with that.
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Yesterday, my friend Eric took issue with the Florida Family Association. As usual, I'm too lazy to actually do any background research, but apparently, there's some sort of brouhaha developing about making some characters in a Star Wars game gay. Eric, much as he pleads self-disgust at stereotyping, declares that C3PO and R2D2 are already gay characters in the Star Wars Universe. You'll have to go read it, but he bases this on the fact that they're devoted to each other; that one is effete and fussy about his appearance while the other is bulky, rugged and stoic.

And they're absolutely adorable together.

Once upon a time, the only gay people you'd see in movies or on TV were dangerous psychopaths and I'll admit it's a good thing they're getting some good press these days, but I honestly think the pendulum has swung too far. Let's look at some of the gay folks you're likely to see these days.

Mr. Smithers? Couldn't be cuter!

Mitch and Cameron are simply precious!

Big Gay Al is not without his charms.

Tinky Winky's so fucking cute I could puke!

And then...there's Ellen!

I mean really! These are fine images for gay kids, but who the fuck can live up to any of these images? It must be exhausting trying to be as endearing as these people.

The fact of the matter is, I know a lot of gay people...and some of them are assholes. Really! Gay people have as much right to be jerks as everybody else and take my word for it...some gay folks are just wired to take the low road. Who are they supposed to emulate?

Think about it. When you were a kid, didn't you...just once...want to see Batman and Robin scraped off the side of that building by one of the bad guys? Talk about a pair of Goody Two-Shoes! And I know I had a weak spot for Catwoman.

There need to be some gay folks on TV who aren't all admirable and shit. You know...to give the slacker gays something to shoot for.

In keeping with that idea, there are plenty of other characters in media who should have their chance at being gay.

Staying with the Star Wars universe for a moment, I would totally accept the possibility that Darth Vader is a big gay closeted Evil Overlord.

He stands out in a crowd and, sure, he's got a son, but I can think of all sorts of reasons for him to be in denial. If we'd just let Vader be Vader, maybe he'd get over some of his issues and be a nicer guy. Or, barring that, he's a good example for gay folks who aren't ready to come out yet. You can have a whole friggin' army of Darth Vader's in the Gay Pride Parade and maintain anonymity.

Or, who's to say Jabba the Hut isn't all kinds of gay (in a giant space-wormish kinda way)?

Jabba's like the first Project Runway contestant! And he's a bloated evil shitbag! Everybody wins!

Major Toht could certainly be gay. The guy carries around a folding coat hanger so he doesn't muss his wardrobe. This is not such a hard example for the evil-leaning contingent of the gay community to aspire toward..

Ms. Barrett, from Lean on Me, probably wouldn't have been such a bitch if she'd only had a nice girlfriend to go home to. But, the truth is, even if it didn't put her on an even keel, don't bitches need role models too? Think about how much easier it is to be Ms. Barrett than it is to be Ms. Degeneres! Imagine how much less pressure there is when nobody expects you to be all nice and shit all the time!

Carmine Lorenzo? Is there anything about him being a dick to John McClane that precludes him being gay? I think not! And none of those unrelenting expectations to hang out in gyms every day!

What about these guys? Tell me there weren't some gay kids who dreamed of growing up to kick the shit out of Ralph Macchio!

If you're gay and you're an asshole, those guys could be some damn fine role models!

I say it's time we give gay schmucks their own characters to aspire to instead of all these lovable role models we've been foisting off on them recently. I mean, who can live up to that?

Prepare To Be Assimilated. Resistance Is Futile. (Unless You Can Move An Inch Or So Per Year.)

2012-03-15T16:36:00.000-04:00

I posted something last year about stuff growing really slowly and absorbing any obstacles in their way. Like this tree, for example.

Well it turns out I'm creating some of this myself (without having really intended to). A little background? This is the house I lived in from the age of 12 to 17.

In the backyard, by the corner of the house, there was a big-ass Crepe Myrtle. Since it's Florida, it had a really long growing season and it just kept getting bigger and bigger each year. And it sent up new shoots from the ground most years. Around 1998(?), my Dad sold the house and moved. And I figured I'd take a cutting from one of the new shoots and see if I couldn't get it to grow in our backyard in Brooklyn.

And it did. Really. Really. Really. Slooooooooowly. (Short growing season and all.)

At one point, it was really spindly and I decided to prop it up with a stake. And I promptly forgot about the stake. Until yesterday.

The string has been partially absorbed and the stake is now part of the tree.

Of course, I've now tied the stake to the tree in another spot higher up. I feel so creative!

Proof Positive: The Aliens Have Landed.

2012-03-14T16:57:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: The following is more of a brain fart than a seriously considered bit of reasoned discussion. Which doesn't make it any less the way I feel about it.
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A couple of years ago I posted something about how political discourse had become a bit like watching aliens trying to communicate with each other. It's not like we're speaking different languages; it's more like we're lucky when we recognize what each other are using is language.

You think I exaggerate? Really? Tell me how the fuck this guy gets elected to hold office anywhere with schools and indoor plumbing. There are people in Georgia who voted for this guy. And what's worse is that this little speech will probably get him more votes in the next election. But hey...I don't live in Georgia and he's somebody else's problem.

Then there's the current appeal to the "common" man; Vote for me because I'll never make you feel stupid! How that's a selling point is beyond me, but apparently, it's working.

There is, however, some good news (of a sort). For the last few years I've been at a loss to understand the sheer toxicity of right-wing hatred toward Obama. I mean, a lot of those people really fucking hate Obama. I'm not talking about how a lot of people hated Bush or Clinton or Bush. Nixon hatred wasn't even in this league.

The Right has absolutely lost its shit since the day Obama was elected and there's no hope of them getting it back. Hell, they haven't even been looking for it! They're absolutely giddy with the level of abhorrence they have for Barack Obama.

Since I'm a hopeless optimist, I can't just chalk it up to racism. Sure, there are a bunch of people who refuse to make peace with the fact that there's a black man in the White House. But I don't think they're a large enough percentage to account for how much the GOP hates Obama.

No, the answer is now clear to me. THE GOP HAS GONE TOTALLY FUCKING INSANE.

You doubt me? Well, it was fun watching Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann try to outcrazy the field, but I don't think anyone ever gave them strong odds of getting the nomination. And we were all right -- but did any of you ever think Rick Fucking Santorum would be a serious contender? Really? Santorum? Holy Shit! He's in a two-man race with Romney* and the GOP are out of their fucking minds.

And since, against all reasonable predictions, Santorum is making a real challenge, is it beyond imagination that he could somehow become the GOP nominee? And if they're insane enough to nominate him, is America insane enough to elect him?

I don't think there's a chance in hell of that happening, but I thought he'd be sitting home in Pennsylvania by now, not in a two-man race for the GOP nomination. So, what do I know?

Which brings us back to the good (of a sorts) news. I can finally empathize with those people who despise Obama so much. Because if Rick Fucking Santorum ever gets elected to the Presidency, I'll be making today's Obama vitriol sound like 2nd-grade playground repartee.

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The Mitt-ster isn't any great bargain himself. The fact that conservatives think he changes his principles to suit his latest audience cuts both ways. I doubt the guy has any bedrock convictions, but we've had Presidents like that before, so he'd just suck as opposed to presaging the end of the world.

I've Spent An Awful Lot Of Time Trying To Save All Of This Daylight.

2012-03-11T15:02:00.002-04:00

This adjusting for Daylight Saving Time is exhausting!

The two smartphones in the house know how to adjust themselves without any help from us. The two laptops...ditto. The nooks™ reset themselves.

The clock on the coffee maker is easy. The clock on the wall in the kitchen is even easier. The one on the oven is a bitch. I think I set the timer on that a half dozen times before I got to the clock's controls. I still have no idea how.

I forgot about the microwave oven. I'll get to that one later.

My bedside clock is a bitch. It has a Daylight Saving Time setting and, for the life of me, I can't figure out if it does anything. Every time we have to change the clocks, I end up changing the clock's time zone because nothing else seems to work. It's been 12 minutes fast for the last 3 years and I'll be damned if I'm going to try to figure out how to fix that part. It's close enough.

I have a watch that I'll forget to reset until the next time I wear it...and panic about what time I think it is until I remember.

The best clock in the house is the one on Anon GF's bedside table. That one stays on DST all year long. Which means that I think I'm an hour late for everything 1/2 of the year and then I don't have to do anything to it in the spring.

Yay!

Today's Thing Nobody Will Care About; Maybe Not Even Me. Or, I've Gotta Get Me Some Better Obsessions.

2012-03-05T16:46:00.001-05:00

You may recall some time ago, I alerted you to the momentous news that the school across the street from me was finally taking down some scaffolding that had been there for 2 years or so. Here's the picture that went along with that post.

It was terribly exciting.

Guess what? The scaffolding is going back up!

I don't know why. I don't know how long it'll be there. But right here on my blog, there will be a record of it happening. They actually started putting it up last week, so I'm gonna say it started on March 1st. After it's been up for double-digit months, I don't think erring by a day or two will make all that much difference.

You're all invited to tell me the most mundane thing that occurred recently in your life that you gave way more attention than it warranted...like any attention at all.

P.S. Anon GF came home today and gleefully informed me that she left $1.95 on my MetroCard. (A ride on anything costs $2.25.)

Update: Random Michelle has made a comment that warrants an update. She says:

I have a banana on my desk that I most likely will not eat.

See, this is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. I mean who really cares about a banana on their desk that they most likely will not eat. Or even a banana on the desk of a workmate; one that most likely will not be eaten. But you know you'd care. The banana would just sit there mocking you. First, there's the olfactory input, ranging back and forth between deliciously aromatic and nauseatingly cloying. And then there's that self-flagellation for not consuming it. At first, it's just a few dark spots that make you hesitate to grab it and eat it. Then it's growing darker and darker -- moving from lightly speckled to completely black and a beginning to dessication. You're past thinking you might peel it and eat it, but you've moved on to chastising yourself that it has reached a perfect level of softness and sugar content and maybe you should use it in some banana bread. But you won't do that; you'll just let the banana keep haunting you until you have to pick up that mushy, gushy thing and dispose of it in a trash can in some other area of the building. A trash can that no one will associate with you.

Oh yes, this mundane unconsumed desk banana will be obsessed upon! You have my empathy, Michelle!

Reviewing Books I've Barely Begun; A Continuing Polybloggimous Tradition.

2012-02-24T22:11:00.000-05:00

A month or so ago, the UPS guy showed up at my door with a delivery from Amazon -- which I found a little strange, since I hadn't ordered anything. I opened the box and found this:

...and pretty much zilch info on where it had come from. It was addressed to me, so it must be mine, right? I double checked my Amazon account and confirmed that I hadn't bought it. And I can't honestly remember how I went about sleuthing this out, but I eventually discovered it was from Janiece!* It turns out I had just come up on her list of people to randomly receive stuff for no reason whatsoever other than Janiece's compulsion to be awesometastic.

So I thanked Janiece and promptly put the book on my waiting-for-attention pile (cuz I had a bunch of stuff that was already in the lineup), and didn't really pick the book up again until a few days ago.

And I'm completely in love with this book and I want to treat it to a lovely dinner and take it for moonlit walks on the beach and have its babies.

No, really. This book is absolutely fascinating.

First of all, it's exactly what is says it is -- New York Diaries. Or to be more precise, excerpts from a bunch of New Yorker's (and New York Visitors') diaries. Like a couple of hundred of them - New Yorkers and visitors, that is. They include the famous, like George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt and Andy Warhol, and unknowns alike.

The book is organized by the calendar. January 1st might have four entries from four different diarists - one from 1778, another from 1861, one from 1893 and another from 1977. And then you continue in a similar vein through the month and then into the next month. The entries cover from the first time someone sailed up the Hudson River on September 11, 1609 up into 2009.

Each entry stands by itself and is attributed to its author. Some of it is rather momentous (Washington recounts speaking to Congress). Some of it is utterly mundane. You can refer to a section in the back of the book for a mini bio of the author of each passage. (More on that later.) You want some examples?

On New Year's Day, 1851, Inspector William H. Bell (a Police Detective) writes - "On duty at the office all day between 12 & 1 o'clock helping give out new year's cake at the Hall. In the evening went up to the 18th ward Station House saw there the young man who was thrown out of the sleigh & killed at the corner of Madison Avenue & 29th St. I called on Alderman Atwood [sic] had a good time of it -- went home."

Or there's Maria Lydig Daly** in 1863 - "Mrs. Ritchie is a pretty woman who aids nature a little by art. her hair was dressed in the modern Phrygian style in two great hills on either side of her head, the center being occupied on full-dress occasions with a bunch of hair full of feathers, birds, or flowers. One lady, a Mrs. Ronaldi, who is now the toast of the town, wears a bird's nest with eggs, making her head a hatchery. I doubt if there is enough brain there to hatch anything.

From Catherine Elizabeth Havens, a 10-year-old shipping heiress in 1850 -- "...I have a green silk [dress] that I hate, and the other day I walked too near the edge of the sidewalk, and one of the stages splashed mud on it, and I am so glad, for it can't be cleaned."

Charles Ritchie, Canadian Ambassador to the U.N. in 1958 - "I had forgotten how much Americans love talking on social occasions about international affairs and how earnestly distressed they are about the conduct of everyone everywhere."

And I can't find the quote right now, but someone in the 1980's is describing a bad dinner of oysters at The Grand Central Oyster Bar followed by a long bout of not being able to get a cab home on a bitingly cold evening -- and then chastising himself over how much easier it would have been if he'd just taken the subway. He concludes, "The thermia was never more hyper."

I love lines like that (and hate other people for coming up with them when I never do).

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how I'll go about reading this book. It's probably best done in short spurts. 1.) I find myself constantly referring to the bio section in the back of the book to know just who it is who's speaking. (As I read more, I'll probably have to do that less, since many diarists have multiple entries). 2.) The book doesn't lend itself to just plowing through as I would with a narrative. Many of the entries are fairly light, but a number of them just beg you to sit back and absorb them after reading them.

I would definitely not recommend reading this on an e-reader. I'd make myself completely batshit if I tried leafing back and forth to the bio section on my nook. To be honest, this is one of those rare books that I'd probably enjoy more if I were reading it on my computer -- but only if each entry had a hypertext link to the author's bio that would open in a separate window. Lacking that, this one's best read on a big ole dead tree.

Oh, Oh, Oh! While we're on the subject of things I love, I have one more thing to recommend. If you have Netflix, you must watch Lilyhammer, starring Steve Van Zandt and a bunch of Norwegians. He plays a mobster who rats and then gets witness relocation -- to Lillehammer because he saw it on the Olympics and thought it might be nice there. The show is absolutely hysterical. All 8 episodes of the first season are available streaming on Netflix.
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*I'm betting it wasn't very impressive sleuthing; otherwise, I'd remember. I probably just asked "who sent me a book?" on every social website I could imagine.

**Mrs. Daly's bio makes her sound a complete curmudgeon. She ignored her family's objections to marry an Irish Democratic reformer; hated Lincoln, blamed Abolitionists for causing the war, and yet was a staunch defender of the Union.

I Could Have Sworn This Post Had A Headline!

2012-02-21T11:36:00.001-05:00

I dumped the word verification the other day - Thanks, Mrs. Bitch for telling me how -- and I'm pleased to say that I'm not getting overrun with spam. I've gotten one or two spam messages per day and all but one has gone straight to Blogger's Spam Folder.

Most of it has been run-of-the-mill pron and one was for lawn products. The best one was entitled "You may see the humor in this" and linked to some of the most paranoid Antisemitism I've ever seen. I'm kind of impressed by someone's dedication to trolling since I think that one came from a living person and not a Spambot. And I thought I had too much time on my hands!

Mutants, Lepers & Debutante Cotillions.

2012-02-20T14:01:00.002-05:00

In yesterdays' comments, timb111 recommended a book set in a Post Apocalyptic Society. Ah...Society. Could little things like nuclear winter, bacterial epidemics or rampant anarchy put a stop to Society Announcements?

I think not.

All announcements are embiggable!

If Only I Could Welcome My SpamBot Overlords!

2012-02-19T16:52:00.001-05:00

Blogger seems to have changed the style of their Captcha Codes recently and, to put it mildly, some of them are a tad difficult to decipher. Here, take a look at some.

I don't know about you, but I've had to try a few times to leave comments on other peoples' blogs lately. And no, I'm not interested in having the machine read it to me first. As far as I'm concerned, some of these are just slightly easier to figure out than quadratic equations. Then again, robots probably solve quadratic equations quicker than I do.

In the interest of that "Do unto others" thing, I tried to disable them on my own blog, but alas, Blogger doesn't seem to offer that as an option. Granted, turning it off here wouldn't have been as altruistic as it might sound. After all, one of the best ways to hide information from the internet at large is to post it here on Polybloggimous!

Update: OK, I followed what Mrs. Bitch did and hopefully I've ditched the damned codes. Let me know. Thanks.

A Few Universal Truths.

2012-02-17T17:43:00.003-05:00

If you're a terrorist in America and you want to buy explosives, you supplier will be an FBI agent.

If you read a headline along the lines of "Will your children travel to Mars?" or "Does eating raw dandelions prevent cancer?"... no matter how long the article is, the answer is NO.

If you hire a hitman to off your spouse, you've hired an FBI agent.

It's impossible for me to leave my house without spending $80.00 before I get home again.

Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They're Not Out To Get You.

2012-02-17T10:42:00.000-05:00

So, here's a little followup to what I posted a couple of days ago about the whole Mormon Proxy Baptism Kerfuffle. I didn't zero in on it, but if you read the linked story in that post, you'll have noted that the most recent controversy was set off by one Ms. Helen Radkey. Ms. Radkey, it turns out, is an interesting lady. None of the following, in any way invalidates any of her research, but, in the interest of fairness(?), it's probably worth knowing the whistleblower.

There's an article in yesterday's Washington Post that tells at least part of her story. It's worth a read. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a woman believing that "Gabriel Lalemant, a 17th-century Canadian Jesuit ... was her son in a past life". And there's nothing wrong with being an excommunicated Mormon who has since dabbled in Catholicism and a few other religions (“The Jews didn’t want me”), and is currently a Certified Universal Life Church Minister.

And, frankly, the article is a tad confusing. It appears to be focused on another issue, namely that of "Posthumous Polygamy", in which dead folks are "sealed" to multiple partners for the afterlife? But it also seems to take Mitt Romney to task for dissing his own ancestors who (may?) have been polygamists? I'm not sure which it is. Or both.

Anyway, I just thought I'd link this article for the hell of it. And even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Make of it what you will.

Teachable Moment? I'll Give You A Teachable Moment.

2012-02-16T12:25:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, my friend Jim wrote a post about the brouhaha over a group of USMC Sniper Scouts who posed with flag consisting of what appeared to be a stylized Waffen SS symbol. I haven't commented over there because frankly, I don't really care very much. I just can't find anyone in the narrative who is either fully in the right or fully in the wrong. Rabbi Hier brought it to peoples' attention, he made his point and, IMHO, that should have been enough. The marines who claimed they didn't know it was a loaded symbol are either disingenuous or seriously ignorant. (I'm voting for disingenuous since I'm pretty sure you don't get placed into an advanced specialty without just a teensy bit of exposure to military history and I'd be shocked if the chapter on WWII was completely omitted. But that's just me.) I'm not sure exactly what action the Marine Corps took, but since I don't think the offense rated a firing squad or a dishonorable discharge, I'll trust that it was adequate.

No, the thing that gets me most exercised is the phrase "teachable moment". It shows up in Jim's post and repeatedly in the comments.* I swear I'm not picking on you Jim, and this is not specifically a reaction to that story, but I hate that fucking phrase. I'm all for adult education, but I'm pretty sure your "teachable moments" have expired by the time you can't get a case heard before a Juvenile Court Judge.

Teachable moments are great for great for 3-year-olds. When the kid manages to open your refrigerator and pulls the carton of milk out and...Ooops...manages to pour the whole damned thing out over his head? Yup, teachable moment. (If your kid is reaching for a lit burner on the stove and your teachable moment comes before grabbing the kid and hollering, you might be doing it wrong.)

When your 8-year-old and her friend rip her stuffed bear into two pieces because neither of them want to share it? That's probably a teachable moment.

When your 12-year-old is loud and demanding and rude to someone in public, I bet there's a teachable moment in there.

But if you're a 23-year-old in your first real job and you think it's a really cool prank to piss in the breakroom coffee pot your ass oughta get fired. That'll learn ya! How's that for a teachable moment, asshole? If you're a cop and you keep beating on a suspect after he's been subdued and cuffed, you should be welcome to all of the teachable moments you can find in prison. You're supposed to have learned a little self-restraint before they gave you a gun and a badge.

Look, every bad act should have a consequence proportional to just how bad the act is. Punishments should fit the offense. But most people tend to use the phrase "teachable moment" when they want to excuse bad behavior. They want a bit of education to take the place of a bit of punishment.

I'd like to think that those Marines' punishment consisted of a week or two of latrine duty, some other loathsome duty and the promise that if that flag made a reappearance there would be real consequences. And the "teachable moment" hopefully was when their superior screamed into their faces that the flag wasn't "appropriate" because the SS "was the enemy, you shit-for-brains, dickhead excuse for a Marine, that's why!"

Just because some people have a lot to learn doesn't rate them a "teachable moment".
--------------------------------------
*Jim put the phrase in quotes, so I'm not sure whether he was referring to something USMC said, or if he was using the phrase sarcastically. And in the comments, every time I saw the phrase, my eyes glazed over and I skipped to the next comment, so I have no idea whether or not they were using it seriously.

P.S. The original title of this post was "Fuck You And The Teachable Moment You Rode In On". I decided the "humor" in that might have been lost on fans of Teachable Moments, so I went another way. :)

You'll Baptize Me Over My Cold Dead Body. Oh Wait, That's What You Had In Mind?

2012-02-15T17:35:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I ran across this story about how The Mormon Church was considering performing a posthumous "Proxy Baptism" for Elie Wiesel in spite of the fact that he certainly would object to being Baptized. Oh...and he's also not dead. Oopsie!

Frankly, this is one of those things that twists my mind into so many directions I have a hard time nailing down my own opinion on it. I'm left with a case of "On the one hand; on the other hand; on the third hand; Can I borrow a hand or two 'cause I'm fresh out."

Let's start with my first knee-jerk reaction: Who the fuck do these people think they are to take it upon themselves to baptize anyone who didn't ask them to? I mean really! If you haven't already read the linked story, please go back and do so. It's not just Jews who have had a history of having to fend off forced conversions, but we've got a pretty solid history with the practice. We're not real big on martyrs, but the few we do have tend to be folks who refused to denounce their faith. The idea that anyone would come along later and perform some kind of involuntary baptism is really about as offensive as you can get.

Not only that, it would appear that the Mormons have previously promised not to do it any more, but they're just ignoring that and going ahead anyway. I'm officially putting the Mormon Church on notice that I'd appreciate it if you didn't baptize me now or at any time in the future. I haven't accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and I'm not likely to do so any time in the future. (If, during some unforeseen afterlife, I discover that I've been betting on the wrong horse all along, I'm pretty sure I'll be in a better position to rectify the situation than any of you in Utah will be. Or it'll be too late and I'll just have to live(?) with the consequences.)

Shortly after pitching an internal hissy fit over it, I find myself having another reaction: Who Cares? I mean, really. I don't believe in the Mormon Church's beliefs or rituals, so what possible power can they have over me? In my mind, it's the rough equivalent to someone signing me up for the NRA's newsletter, paying for the subscription themselves, and having the newsletter sent to their mailing address. Weird, yes, but would it really be any skin off of my nose? The only potential effect that might have on me would be if some future biographer digs up the record of the subscription and has trouble trying to understand my previously hidden fascination with guns. And why I was receiving mail in Montana?

On the Third Hand: What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander! How's about if we start converting some of them? Obviously, an individual's personal beliefs don't enter into it, so maybe we should just convert a bunch of Mormons to other religions. Hey Mitt, I don't know if you're circumcised or not, but a symbolic drop of blood is required even if you are. I can schedule a visit from the Mohel at your convenience. And there's no reason to limit this to Jewish conversions. I'm sure Mormon's will be just as appreciative to be unknowingly made into Hindus, Buddhists, or Hare Krishnas! Everyone can join in on the fun! (Painful rituals will score extra point!)

I swear I had at least one more reaction to this, but my head hurts and I've completely forgotten what it was. Feel free to tell me what else I think about it. I'm confused enough to throw it into the mix.