What The Hell Are These And How did They Get In Our House?

I did not buy these.*

Anon GF did not buy these.

I have no memory of receiving these from any of my family or Anon GF's family or any friends or any "friends".  I don't think any of them hate me that much.

Anon GF has no memory of receiving these from any of her family or any of my family or any friends or "friends".  They all actually like her.

So why are they in our house?

Anon GF found them yesterday and showed them to me when I got home.  She said I could wear them for lying around on the couch.

I said, "I'm not wearing those things. Why don't you wear them for lying around on the couch?"

They're only mildly less disturbing than Chucky, so I don't even want to add them to the rag bin.  They might be good for starting the Barbecue.

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 *"This" vs. "These".  Much like a "pair" of pants, these are a "pair" of underwear, right?  But even though it seems to be one item, you never wear a "pant".  Conversely,  you don't wear "underwears".  I find the whole classification system for stuff worn to cover my junk quite confusing and in need of linguistic repair.