Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Dog Did It.

I got home a little before 6:00 this evening, and as I was walking down the street, it was that kind of dead quiet you get when there's no traffic at all accompanied by 90% humidity.  My footsteps seemed loud and I was wearing sneakers.  So I was stopped dead in my tracks a few steps from my front door when I heard "Please get off the shed", hollered from a upstairs window.

I knew I wasn't standing on anyone's shed, so I didn't take it personally, but I was taken aback, nonetheless.  I looked up and didn't see anyone in any of the windows above me...not in my building or in any of the other neighboring buildings.  And I realized that I couldn't see anyone else on the street besides me.  So, I ended up standing there really perplexed for a couple of minutes.  Where had the holler come from? At whom was it directed?  And for that matter, where the hell was there any shed in sight?

I still don't know the answer to any of those questions.  I just know that someone was deeply offended by someone standing on some shed.  Somewhere.

Life's little imponderables.

The other thing that occurred to me this evening is that we need a dog.  LuLu (you've met LuLu, our cat, right?) has...uh...a weak gastro-intestinal system.  She's gassy.  She's the gassiest cat I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

If you pick her up without warning...she farts.  If you sneak up on her (even without meaning to)...she farts.  When she jumps onto or off of things, this causes a sudden displacement somewhere in her innards, and...she farts.  And I don't think I'm overstating her particular talents when I tell you that her farts are particularly pungent.  LuLu stands highly in my affections, but when she stinks, she stinks!

And the odd thing is that she seems to be aware that she's done something gauche and looks visibly embarrassed. Dogs never get embarrassed when they fart.  Or when people fart and blame the dog for it.  Or pretty much anything else.  They just wag their tails at whatever they think they might have accomplished.

We need a dog, if for nothing else, then for LuLu's self-esteem.

1 comment:

WendyB_09 said...


After a fart my dogs always had to sit down right away and check certain portions of their anatomy to see if they could figure out where the sound and/or smell came from.