Friday, October 30, 2009

Today's Cheerful Information Slightly Spoiled.

The fact that nobody done nothin' in half of an entire state is somewhat tempered by news of an entire continent plagued by crime.


Steve Buchheit said...

Canadians! The same people responsible for driving up our oil prices. They have to mine the stuff instead of just pumping it out of the ground like all the decent folks do. It' must be the long winters that make them so weird.

Nathan said...

Now, now children. I'm trying to keep this positive and upbeat! Be nice to the folks from Canuckistan.

Eric said...

Wait, wait, wait. All the Jackson Sun item says is that no "major incidents" were reported. Not that nothing happened. And what the hell do they call a "major incident"?

"Y'know, Chief, I was reading this Superman comic book here and I was thinking--"

"That was your first mistake, Smitty."

"Now, seriously, Chief, I was reading this Superman comic book here, and I had a great idea how we could clean up our crime stats without doin' anything."

"Superman's made up, Smitty."

"Now, Chief, I know that. Hear me out. Sheesh. No, listen, y'know how we tell the papers how many major incidents we have?"

"I have to sign that before it goes out, Smitty, what's your point?"

"Well, I was readin' this Superman comic where Darkseid comes in and blows up half of Metropolis with a space-time disintegrator, and Ol' Blue has to side with his archenemy, Lex Luthor, even though in the last issue Luthor nearly freed General Zod from the Phantom Zone with a nuclear implosion machine--"

"What's the point, Smitty?"

"Well, those sound like some pretty major incidents, don't they, Chief? When's the last time we had an arch-villain threaten to crash the moon into West Tennessee with his gravity ray or shrink Jackson to microscopic size?"

"Heh. I'd say it's been awhile. I like where this is going--"

"Compared to being assaulted by a legion of alien giant robots commanded by an indestructible reptilioid overlord, that convenience store robbery-slash-hostage situation with the three-county high-speed chase is pretty insignificant."

"I would have to say that there were no 'major incidents' to report today, eh, Smitty?"

"What about that murder-suicide?"

"Bad, but not as bad as being blackmailed by an insane scientist who's created an army of giant ants. Wanna call it an afternoon and go fishing, Smitty?"

mattw said...

Eric, when you put it in that light, it makes perfect sense.

WendyB_09 said...

Hell people, it's West Tennessee! What were they expecting?? Murder, mayhem, drug busts, carjackings and police shootings?

Yeah, that's actually a sample from yesterday's Atlanta news. And yet we're told crime is down.

But the big news is the squabble over the Atlanta Mayoral race. Most of the endorsements are from out of town rap & hiphop stars...WTF? Then our current Mayor came out the other day and said (among other things) the leading candidate has no vision to lead the city into the next decade.
Now that I'd agree with!!

Tom said...

I was going ot say that was a typo. Not "no major incidents," but "no mayor incidents." Then Wendy had to show that was wrong, too. There was a "mayor" incident.

I wonder how we can retroactively make that mayor the leading candidate, so when he says "the leading candidate has no vision..." he's talking about himself?