Fine! When you decide to get dinner from the backyard instead of that expensive grocery store down the block, you can just figure out how to prepare the damn thing on your own.
But since I'm such a caring and selfless guy, I'm going to attempt to enlighten you people on another subject. This advice is something you'd think might go without saying, but apparently not. Apparently it does need saying. So here. I'm gonna say it. Ready?
DROPPING THINGS OUT OF A HELICOPTER IS A BAD IDEA.
It seems that a church in Rochester, NH, with the best of intentions, dropped a whole lot of eggs from a helicopter for the mother of all Easter Egg Hunts. I'm assuming these were plastic eggs since I can't imagine anyone thinking real eggs would survive the fall. There were also prizes involved. The article isn't clear on how you qualified for a prize -- apparently, "standing in line for the bounce house" was enough to get one person a flat screen TV.
Anyway, instead of the expected turnout of maybe 2000 people, police estimate the crowd at 10,000! As you might expect, the crowd was calm and well behaved and a lovely time was had by all. Here's some first person accounts:
"As soon as they said go, we were all in the front going 'whoomp,' getting trampled on top of each other," said Deborah Savage, of Rochester.
"Nobody could grab any eggs because people just got trampled in," said Hanna Savage.
"Some kids got lost out there. They couldn't find their parents or anything," said Gabriella Savage(I can't tell you if the reporter was lazy about getting a lot of viewpoints, or if Rochester just has an inordinate number of Savage families.)
And don't think that dropping shit out of a helicopter is only a bad Easter idea. Dropping shit out of helicopters is never a good idea.
(For a longer version of that WKRP episode, go here.)
I will not be held responsible if you people aren't paying attention today.