Friday, April 9, 2010

The Oddness of the Day.

Something bizarre is going on today.  I've talked about the horror of visiting Home Depot here in Brooklyn.  Well, Anon GF and I had to go again today.  And we had to go to the one that's usually at the pinnacle of suck because it also happens to be the one that has the largest stock...and is therefore, at least, probably capable of making our sucky visit into a successful shopping experience.  Painful, but successful.

So, today, we're standing in the aisle figuring out which things go together and do they have all of the bits that match all of the other bits we need and this woman in an orange apron stops and asks, "Are you finding everything you need"?

I looked around, and since it was just the three of us standing in the aisle, I realized she must be speaking to us.  We were actually picking out the last thing we needed in that section, so we said, "Yes", and both stood there with our jaws gaping as she walked away.

We got to the next section on our agenda and we're looking at the choices and we're trying to figure out if we need the one that's 18" 'on center' or do we need the one with variable measured resistance or...whatever.  And this guy in an orange apron walks up and asks if we need any help!  And we did.  And, not only was it a miracle that a second person had shown up and offered us help in a Home Depot, this guy actually knew what he was talking about! He knew where stuff was and what it was for and whether or not everything we'd need was in the box!

And then -- I hope you're all sitting down -- he looked at our list and guided us to the next section and helped us there.  We needed one more thing before leaving (with our massively loaded-up flatbed cart), and he suggested we just leave the cart where we were and run to get the last little easily carried item.  When we got back with our shopping complete, he even suggested a route through the store to the checkout that would get us out of the store quickest.

On the way to that checkout, we encountered the bane of all Home Depot shoppers -- the aisle that's closed due to forklift activity.  We looked for an alternate way out and found the two adjacent aisles were also blocked.  A fourth aisle was a bit of an obstacle course, but it looked like I'd be able to maneuver our way through.  As we approached the first obstacle, a woman in an orange apron approached and said, "Are you ready to checkout"?  Then she proceeded to move crap out of our way and led us to her cashier station.  And she checked us our immediately.  And arranged for our delivery.

I'm at a loss for words.  Can this have been Home Depot?  Can this have been Brooklyn?  The evidence all says, "Yes", but I'm still a little disoriented.

Arriving at home, having ridden with a cab driver who actually knew where he was going, I found the following email waiting for me.

Imagine...I could win an opportunity to see Justin Bieber!  In NY!  And they'd fly me! OK, there'd be three nights in a luxury hotel (which could be fun), and a $500 shopping spree, which might not be restricted to Swirly-headed-tweens-are-us.  How the fuck did I get on this mailing list?  Where's my usual quota of generic Viagra, Nigerian scams and work-at-home come-ons?

Odd day.

Monday is going to be a little weird too.  One of the things we got at Home Depot was a couple of new trash cans for outside.  I don't know how things are where you live, but the hardest thing in the world to throw away in a trash can.  I can put them in the new cans, but they'll just figure they're stuck.  I can put a note on them saying "THIS CAN IS TRASH" and they'll just look at it, say, "Duh", and leave them.  Let me know how interested you are in the follow up on my trash can disposal.


Janiece said...

Let me know how interested you are in the follow up on my trash can disposal.

Um, not very. But we will be trying your antipasto sammie recipe tomorrow, and I'll let you know what we think.

Random Michelle K said...

Put the trashcan inside two black trash bags.

Tape or tie bags together as needed.

Alternatively, turn it upside down and paint it white and orange to look like a construction barrel.

Place somewhere exciting.

Janiece said...

The antipasto sammies were fabulous, BTW. Thanks for sharing.

Nathan said...

Yay! Did you mess with the ingredients? Do tell.

neurondoc said...

We had the same problem getting rid of our old garbage cans. After several attempts to have the garbage truck actually collect them, we finally drove over them with the car. They were smashed up, somewhat unrecognizable plastic messes when we finally got done with them. They were picked up the next day. :-)

The Mechanicky Gal said...

But back to the HD Helpfulness. I, too, ran into the Helpful Home Despot employees. They are really harshing my "wander around the hardware store and look at all the neato stuff" buzz.
Especially when we put our 2 small things in the basket, parked said basket at the end of the aisle so that we wouldn't be the traffic cork, then, when we came back to the cart, our stuff was gone! This happened 3 times and on the 3rd time Mechanicky Guy was ready to kill him some orange aprons.

Nathan said...

But Mechanicky,

You can have fun with that. During my three years living in L.A., I used to love shopping at the Gelson's in Century City. If you picked up a can and put it back on the shelf with the label facing slightly askew, some poor kid would race to straighten the can before any unfortunate shopper might suffer from seeing the side of a can. If you played it just right, you could watch two label straightening peons collide in their zeal for shelf perfection.