I wasn't sure what I was going to tell you about this morning. At first, I was thinking I'd tell you about our office craft service setup. It's a little sad. O.K., I'm not talking sad, like the Crafty you'll see over on CraftDisservice.com, but sad, nonetheless. You all seem to envy us our never ending coffee and snacks (and you should), but you should also be aware that it's not all skittles and beer.
Look at the cornucopia I walked into this morning.
It's yesterday's Box-of-Joe! But then I decided I ought to be fair about the whole subject. I was the first one into the office. And there were only 7 of us in yesterday, so it's not like they've had time to gear up the gourmet buffet, so I'll give them a break.
Instead, let's talk about the one element of design in our office that's stinks...A tiny loo in a shitty place! (I think I'm done with Britishisms now, but if another occurs to me, I'll use it...just a warning.)
Look at the diagram below. You'll see that my office is in a really safe spot, speaking olfactory-wise. (I'm also immediately next to the door to the fire escape which is helpfully disconnected from any alarms and makes for a lovely smoking deck.) The problem, however, is that we have one men's room and one women's room...both of the oners. And they're in the lobby. This is kind of a chokepoint which usually only means it's a narrow bit of ingress/egress that everyone has to pass through.
But leaving the office last night, I discovered that it really is a chokepoint. It reminded me of a scene I witnessed years ago on location. The Teamster driving the trailer for one of our lovely female stars went into her trailer meaning to do his mid-day tidy-up. He opened the door and practically fell back out onto the street, as if he'd been hit by the blastwave from a bomb. Without missing a beat, he hollered, "Jeez girl! Whatchue been eatin'...feet?"
I'll be issuing an executive order today. The restrooms in the office will henceforth be a No Poop Zone. I'm sorry if this is TMI for anyone, but whoever was in there yesterday before I left must have been holding it for a month.
All staff will be invited to make use of their own facilities at home on their own time. In the event they have some alternate schedule of bodily functions that prevents that timing, I'd like to point out that there are 3 other floors here...each with their own facilities. We don't know the people on those floors and I have no qualms about you assaulting them.