Friday, May 14, 2010

So Much Stuff I Didn't Even Realize I Didn't Know!

Apparently, The Wall Street Journal has cunningly outed Elena Kagan as a lesbian by using a 17-year-old picture of her playing softball!  Who knew?

Really!  I had no idea!  You'll have to go look for the stuff, but GLAAD took issue with the use of that photo.  First of all, maybe I've been living under a rock, but I really didn't know that playing softball was reserved for lesbians.  Hell, I used to play softball.  (And I like girls, but I'm pretty sure I fail the rest of the qualifications for entry into the club.)

Then again, maybe there is something to it.  Remember Peppermint Patty from the Peanuts cartoons?  Sure, she pretended to have a crush on Charlie Brown, but she always hung around with Marcy!  And she played softball! Now, here's the thing.  She played softball in lots of the Peanuts cartoons, but a search of GoogleImages shows very few pictures of Peppermint Patty in her SportsWoman Lesbian Domain!  Are they trying to hide something?  Just what is being suppressed here?

This is practically the only image I could find. Look at her making Charlie Brown feel all hetero and inadequate!  That emasculating dyke!

Obviously, if they let the cat out of the bag, there'd be a whole big anti-Peanuts/anti-Lesbian uproar to keep Kagan off the bench. (And I'm not sure if there's a pun in there or not, but if she's off the bench, isn't she actively playing?  What do these people want?)

On the one hand, I think I've got to agree with WSJ spokeswoman Ashley Huston:
"If you turn the photo upside down, reverse the pixilation and simultaneously listen to Abbey Road backwards, while reading Roland Barthes, you will indeed find a very subtle hidden message."
But, to be fair, maybe there's something to it after all.  The Media has a history of using nefarious images to foil people's chances at higher office.

It's a well know FACT that Michael Dukakis was forced to pose for this dorky picture. Note how the other guy has his face cleverly hidden so he can't be blamed!

And Nixon was purposely made to look like a schmo in his debates with Kennedy.

They weren't even in the same room together.  Nixon was in a sauna 1200 miles away from the studio Kennedy appeared in!  And Marilyn Monroe was hiding under Kennedy's podium the whole time.  It was a total setup...brought to you by the same people who later faked the moon landings. (Go ahead; look it up! If it's not on the internet yet, it will be by next Tuesday ... AND THEN IT'LL BE TRUE!!)

The truth is, I can't get all that worked up over this one. I don't know all that much about Kagan or her qualifications to be on the Supreme Court.  What I do know, however is that she looks an awful lot like Lee Dewyze, finalist on this year's American Idol.

I'm pretty sure Lee is just a plant to screw up Crystal Boxershorts' chances to win.  And what does that tell you about Kagan?  Hmmmmmm?  I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions, but let me conclude with this other quote from Cathy Renna, former spokeswoman for GLAAD,

"The question from a journalistic perspective is whether it’s a descriptive representation of who she might be as a judge. Have you ever seen a picture of Clarence Thomas bowling?"
Indeed, have you ever seen a picture of Clarence Thomas bowling?

P.S.  I haven't got the remotest idea what a picture of Clarence Thomas bowling would infer about him, but, clearly, subtext is totally lost on me.


Eric said...

And Nixon was purposely made to look like a schmo in his debates with Kennedy.

One of those apocryphal anecdotes that if it isn't true ought to be: Nixon is backstage before the debate with JFK, sitting in the makeup chair about to be done up, when JFK comes through, is approached by a makeup girl, and waves her off. Kennedy has been out on the ocean taking a brief break from the campaign, and looks (in classic Kennedyesque fashion) like a Young Bronzed God. Nixon sees JFK wave off the makeup girl and panics--he can see the papers the next day in his mind's eye, "Candidate Wears Makeup," his masculinity feels threatened. But the girl with the powder is saying he needs to be made up to go under the lights.

Nixon asks for a professional opinion. Now, in addition to being, well, Nixon, pasty-faced and a perspiring bundle of jowls by nature, Nixon's recently been fighting a cold and is even pastier, flabbier, and sweatier than usual. His two o'clock shadow stands out from his slick pale skin more than usual. But he doesn't want to look like some kind of wuss, so he asks somebody else what they think.

The person he asks happens to be Robert F. Kennedy.

RFK looks Nixon up and down.

And he says, "You look just fine."

And Nixon tells the makeup girl he doesn't need her help, thanks, and takes his podium.

Allegedly a true story, completely, 100%, I could not make up (no pun intended) something that perfect. And, like I said, if it isn't true, it oughta be.

Nathan said...

So, you're saying that barely a year before his death, Nixon went to the effort of getting Kagan to play in that softball game just so the photos would exist to disgrace her years later?

That diabolical MoFo! Well played Dick!

Eric said...

Nothing is too evil to put past Tricky Dick. What was the line in Sleeper? "When he left the White House, the Secret Service had to count the silverware."