Wednesday, January 14, 2009

T.M.I. Begins. (With Really Not All That Much T.M.I. Involved, So If This One Bothers You, You Should Definitely Skip My Next Entry.)

So, when I left off last week, I told you I felt crappy...I thought I had a bug. At first, truth be told, I thought I was just horribly constipated...but sooner or later, I was proved wrong on that account. My gut didn't feel the least bit better, but constipation was not the problem.

I basically went where I could get an immediate appointment, but unfortunately didn't get in to see the doctor until late in the afternoon. She was thinking ulcer and sent me to a medical imaging place around the corner for x-rays just in case she'd see something imminent. She said she'd have the x-rays sent to her immediately and call me if anything looked urgent. She also said, that if "anything exciting" happened that night I should get to an E.R.

About 9 O'Clock, I discovered blood in my urine. I deemed that exciting. So, off the the Hospital we went. We signed in at 9:45pm. After Triage and Registration, we finally got into an E.R. Room at 2:30 a.m. (You'd think blood in your urine would get you some kinda damned priority!)

Anyway, most of what happened in the E.R. was eliminating things. First of all, there was no blood in my urine, just some red color. Since I haven't in any recent past, eaten any beets, rutabagas, cranberries, raspberries, or any other inherently red foods, I can't figure out what that's about.

Some of the things that were immediately off the list were: kidney stones, ulcers, any other holes in my gastric system where they don't belong.

To be Continued Tomorrow.


P.S. I just went to the ice machine and for the first time I noticed this sign near the Nurses' Station that says "Robot Docking Port - Keep Area Clear". I mentioned to my nurse that I haven't seen any damned robots yet and I feel totally cheated. She said the robots don't come to this floor anymore. I said I Disney World was a hell of a lot cheaper than this place and they'd show me robots.


Anonymous said...

Google says:
"Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome" causing kidney failure.

I like big words and it's probably completely wrong - but fun searching on minimal clues!

Nathan said...

Well, to mix bad metaphors, my kidneys are working their asses off.

Tania said...

Got you on diuretics, eh? Hmm, since you're up and around you prolly don't have a catheter...

Ice machine. Ahhh. I love the hospital ice machine.

And robots!?! By golly, if you're in the hospital you should get to see something cool like robots! We only have COWs (computers on wheels).

Nathan said...

I don't recall mentioning any diuretics. There is, however always an I.V. bag or two dripping into me.

MWT said...

Glad you're feeling better. :)

And that hospitals allow patients onto the internet now. ;)

Jeff Hentosz said...

You don't want robots around right now. They're notoriously unsympathetic. They'll swipe your glasses for spare parts, make unwelcome overtures to your laptop and try to goose you with their cold, cold digits. Be grateful.

Random Michelle K said...

My real guess would be food poisoning. But that seems too easy.

Random Michelle K said...

Also, unless you turn this into an appalling John Taylor story, I don't think you can gross me OR Tania out.

neurondoc said...

Or me. You can try it though...

Anonymous said...

No drinking. Hmm.

E Coli?

(I sure hope not to either one of 'em. Yikes!)

I'm imagining kidneys in little hospital gowns with little asses sticking out. Breezy.

Never play poker with the hospital robots, they're all card counters.

Eric said...

Food poisoning? When's the last time John took Nathan to dinner?


Jim Wright said...

Food poisoning? When's the last time John took Nathan to dinner?

That wasn't food, that was just poisoning.

Jim Wright said...

I'm guessing Progeria.

mattw said...

Don't get me started on E.R.s.

And watch out for those robots you don't want to be around when something goes wrong with their software and they dock in the wrong port, if you catch my drift.

vince said...

Food poisoning? When's the last time John took Nathan to dinner?

Stinky Tofu Syndrome. It's been hiding all this time, the BOOM, there it is.

Random Michelle K said...

Ode to Nathan's Bowels
The gall bladder cried out in pain
The intestines writhed in agony
Oh why doesn't Nathan eat better they cried?
Whole grains! Bran! Vegetables!
Those are the things we desire

But no, Nathan's brain rules his gut
No veggies or grains or fruit
Meat and grease! Sugar and fat!
Uncle! cried Nathan's innards
Until, at last, unable to take anymore
They went on strike

Treat us this way? they cried
We'll show you a thing for two
Digest? No way!
You've greased up our track
So nutrients cannot be absorbed

Then the doctor comes into see Nathan
No butter or cheese or red meats!
It's salad for you, with a nice vinagrette
Until you've made up with your gut

So Nathan is sad
But his intestines are glad
And when he goes home lets hope Anon GF doesn't kill him

Nathan said...

Nobody's on point yet, but I'll be giving it away later today.

mattw said...

Oh, I know, Nathan was eating some Frosted KrustyOs and forgot to take out the jagged metal KrustyO.

Jim Wright said...

(You'd think blood in your urine would get you some kinda damned priority!)

Well, it is NYC - blood in your urine is lower, priority wise, than say blood in your gunshot wound, blood in your stab wound, and blood leaking from the blunt force trauma wound on the back of your head.

Also, what kind of shitty hospital floor are you on? Even the robots won't go there anymore. That's shitty.

Also, this morning's Guess What's Wrong With Nathan's Shit is: the Spiny Candiru.

Jeff Hentosz said...

Re: Jim Wright's NYC blood observation: On one of my trips to the city in the '90s I discovered urine in a subway seat. True.

Nathan said...

Was there some point to that Jeff?


Eric said...

The urine Jeff found in the subway seat had blood in it, and when Jeff called to report it the hospital hung up on him. I think that was the point.

Jeff: I'd like to report some bloody urine.

Receptionist: How long have you been noticing blood in your urine?

Jeff: Well, it's not really mine, but I've been looking at it since I got on the subway, so, uhhhh--let's say I've been noticing it for about ten minutes, now.

Receptionist: So... it's been ten minutes since you found blood in your urine...?

Jeff: Well, like I said, it isn't mine. It was here when I got on. But yes, I'd say it's been about ten minutes.

Receptionist: Is... is this a... family member's bloody urine...?

Jeff: Not that I know of, no. I can call around and see if any of my relatives have been around and taken the subway recently, if you think it would help.

::click:: ::dialtone::

Jeff: Hello? Hello? Huh. Must've lost the signal in the tunnel. I'll call again when I get off.

* * *

Also, my guess for today: Nathan, it's totally psychosomatic, right? ;-)

Tania said...

Hysterical Pregnancy.

Anonymous said...


Rhymes with progeria.

And Michelle, that was a lovely ode. I can see you standing on the nurse's counter to recite it, as robots bow before your excellence. ;)

Random Michelle K said...

Tania, Michael actually suggested plain old pregnancy last night.

Though Nathan being pregnant *would* be pretty hysterical.

Random Michelle K said...

Thank you Jeri!

It's good that someone around here appreciates abysmal horrificness when they see it.

Tania said...

Pseudoseriously - I think that he has Giardiasis. From all that camping Nathan does in Brooklyn. That would explain the "No booze" comment, because you can't drink while on Flagyl.

Anonymous said...

I said that I liked your poetry, Michelle! I just doubted that it was wretched enough to be Vogon poetry. I mean, it's better than "Ode to Spot" and I love "Ode to Spot!"

My guess for today: Interstitial nephritis

(I'm pretty easily grossed out, but even this entry doesn't come close. I'd say you have to try harder, but I don't think I want to read the result of that.)

Steve Buchheit said...

Inguinal Hemorrhoids?

You know, if you wanted a sick day, you just take the sick day. This isn't necessary, dude.

Anonymous said...

Reflux nephropathy?
Prostatic hypertrophy?


Jeff Hentosz said...

Eric: Oh, that it were so interesting. No, this was back before cell phones were commonplace (actually, it was when cell phones were as big as size 11 Chucks). And there was no blood in the urine, but it did look pretty ripe.

Here's how it really played out--

::image wavers and Polybloggimous dissolves into interior of almost full V train to Queens::

Me (having just spent day walking half the length of Manhattan, from Washington Square to Columbus Circle, approaching one remaining seat and spying puddle of pee thereupon): Uh...

Buddy from Queens (looks around me at the pee-seat): We can stand.

Aaaaaand -- scene!


(And my Nathan guess for tonight is that he has an ague.)