Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Second of two promised Posts

I promised you all TWO exciting new posts today and here is the second. Since my creativity and curiosity have taken a (hopefully) brief vacation to parts unknown, this will be an audience participation thread. You are all invited to


That's right. I know you're all curious. What do you just absolutely need to know about me to get through your day without succumbing to a massive anxiety attack? What question has been driving you mad? Go ahead. Ask away.*

*I officially don't promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, or any remotely tiny part of the truth.


Tom said...

I'm not an asker normally, but in the spirit of things...

You've indicated much of your recent time has been spent in NY and Boston. So, will you be watching the Patriots beat the Giants in the Super Bowl and go 19-0, and, if so, who will you be rooting for?

Jeff Hentosz said...

1) Why don't you use some of your show bidness fortune to open a New York-style pizza joint in Columbus, Ohio? I used to get something-like in Cleveland, but pie in the capital suuuucks.*

* At least we have Skyline Chili.

Jeff Hentosz said...

I had a "2)" but deleted it because it was too rudely personal. You're welcome.

Nathan said...

For our first response, I will be entirely truthful.


Since the age of six, my family has assumed I was switched at birth. I do not give the first crap about football. If I TIVO'd the Superbowl, it would be so I could watch the commercials.

I do not care about the Giants. I do not care about the Patriots. If have any thoughts whatsoever about the game, its that I hope whatever controversy occurs to inspire all of the endless post-game arguments next week is at least interesting.

Possible controversies I could live with:

-Whoever sings the National Anthem has a wardrobe malfunction and drops trou.

-Game called at half-time due to somebody spiking one of the teams' Gatorade.

-Last five minutes of the game is preempted so that a rerun of Bewitched can start on time.

Don't care about Football, Soccer, Tennis, Basketball, Hockey, Bowling, Archery, Curling, Lacrosse, Polo (water or horsey), Jai Lai, or competitive eating.
I can't even think of all the sports I don't care about. Don't Care. Don't Care. Don't Care.

Ask me about sports when baseball season comes around again. Golf is OK, too.

Nathan said...


I'm torn between being truthful here or returning your courtesy by withholding rudeness, I'm gonna straddle the fence.

Assuming I had a show bidness fortune, I'd not be likely to invest it any venture that required my presence in Ohio. I've made visits of varying length to a few different place in your fine state and they were mostly less than entirely wonderful. [/rudenessfilter]

Skyline chili? Are you out of your fucking mind? Skyline is to Chili what White Castle is to hamburgers.

Tania said...

Hmm, I'll opt for the banal. Because I have about 14 things to do in the next 5 hours, and I'd better get my rear in gear.

Have you ever had an ingrown toenail, and if so, how did you deal with it?

Nathan said...


I've never had an ingrown toenail. Knowing myself and my manly high tolerance for pain, my most likely reaction would be:

-weep uncontrollably.
-plead for morphine.
-plead for amputation of the affected digit.

Random Michelle K said...

Anything 'eh?

Will you convince my brother (the accountant) to do my taxes for me this year?

John the Scientist said...

What's a good Chinese restaurant in Midtown? From the one's I'va sampled, they all suck.

If you give me a good recommendation, I'll buy you lunch there the next time I'm in the city and we're both free.

Nathan said...


I spoke to your brother. He said he'd be happy to do your taxes. Furthermore, he said he could guarantee you a refund and if you didn't get one he'd pay any taxes you have due. In addition to that, he said indemnify you against any fines, penalties or prosecutions that might arise as a result of his malfeasance.*

Jeez, your brother must really like you.

*Please regard disclaimer on the original post.

Jeff Hentosz said...

I just like saying "Skyline" to get you all het up. Besides, which, you're hung up on the word "chili." Skyline isn't really chili, it's just called chili. It's really spaghetti sauce that was tweaked out by a crazy Greek person who apparently thought "oregano" was the English word for "cinnamon." But I think we're both clear where we stand on that issue.

Couple more:

For visitors who've never been to your fair borough: Is Brooklyn the vacation wonderland that Queens is?

Got any good rat stories? I love big city rat stories. The first few years we were married, my wife managed a book store in the middle of downtown Cleveland. They used to have to take garbage out a basement door and down a dark Sweeney Todd-looking subterranean alley. My wife, she has rat stories.

Nathan said...

Mr. Science Guy (I dub thee),

I'll admit to an unfamiliarity with mid-town's Chinese Restaurants. I'll make a point of researching the subject.*

If you're unable to leave mid-town, I suggest you try one of the Glatt Kosher restaurants that have a Chinese Counter in them. They really are pretty good.

Barring that, you're a short subway ride from Chinatown which (duh) has a lot of good Chinese Restaurants. My favorite Chinese Restaurant is right in my neighborhood in Brooklyn. Kum Kau has a line at their take-out window from the time they open in the morning until they close. Excellent place.

*Possible lie. Or I might look into it if I'm in mid-town. And I'm hungry. And I'm in the mood for Chinese.

Nathan said...


Queens is an armpit. A smelly hairy armpit. With an abscess.

Brooklyn, on the other hand, has its own tour bus

Rats? I got nothin'.

Anonymous said...

What is the most bizarre thing you've had to organize/arrange in the course of your profession?

What do you consider to be your most guilty pleasure?*

What is your favorite movie ever?

*Please feel free to limit/edit your responses to PG13 or better.

Nathan said...


I think my favorite movie is either Dr. Strangelove or Braveheart. There's probably others.

Can't think of a guilty pleasure.

I don't know if this counts as bizarre, but I find it entertaining.

In the early 80's I was producing a commercial and the first shot was supposed to be Paul Revere riding his horse out of the barn. The director wanted to have the camera practically on the ground and when the barn doors crashed open he wanted to see chickens scatter in fright.

So began the great chicken hunt. We made calls to everyone we could think of. No live chickens. People eat eggs in New Hampshire, don't they? Where did the eggs come from?

After 7 hours of two people searching, we finally found some live a University medical research facility.

And in the end, we made the discovery that frightened chickens don't scatter; they duck and cover. Almost as much action as you'd get out of a Purdue frozen chicken.

John the Scientist said...

Chinese in Brooklyn? Bah. How many Asians are in that line?That's how I judge a new Asian restaurant.

Go ta Queens, ya lunkhead. Nothing beats Flushing, especially since a bunch of the Chinese businesses moved there from Chinatown when the WTC cleanup screwed up access to their stores. I've got recommendations for you, there.

When I can get down there I eat lunch in Chinatown, but my company HQ is near GCT and I often don't have the time to take the subway and then walk South of Canal or East of Elizabeth where the good stuff is.

I used to have Japanese in Midtown, but Hizen closed and Ise's gotten overrun with Yuppies, so it's hard to get a seat. Most of the other ones are overpriced crap (I'm talking to you, Sakagura and East).

Glatt Kosher? Chinese? All right, I'll try it, but remember, my MIL used to own a Chinese restaurant, so I'm picky. And a Chinese restaurant without pork is... odd. I tease my Hui friend all the time about that.

Random Michelle K said...

Funny. That doesn't sound like my brother.

Especially if he didn't mention computers or Oracle or debt even once!


Disclaimer. My brother is actually going to do my grandmother's taxes. So he's not ALL bad for a little brother.

Nathan said...

Mr. Science Guy,

It actually sounds like you're much better informed on this than I am, but I'm still not going to Queens without some other compelling reason.

If you go to Broadway around 116th Street, you'll find one of the Cuban Chinese restaurants in town. I can't remember the name, but it's pretty good. These are the folks who fled to Cuba in 1949 and then fled from Cuba in 1959 to avoid Communism. Funny thing is, there are so many in Chinatown who speak only Chinese because they didn't need to learn English. The ones who came from Cuba speak Spanish, because they didn't need to learn English.

John the Scientist said...

I'll have to try the Chinese place on Broadway, thanks. Have you been to Asia de Cuba in Midtown? Not exactly Chinese food, but interesting.

Heh, a lot of the people in Chinatown only speak Cantonese, so even Chinese speakers can't talk to them.

When we go to Chinatown with my wife's ABC Cantonese friends, she reads the menu because they're ABCs and can't read Hanzi. She tells them what the menu says in English, and they tell the waiter in Cantonese.

I thought the compelling reason for a New Yorker to go to Queens was Shea Stadium? ;-)

Nathan said...

RE: Shea stadium...not if you're a Red Sox fan.

I worked as an Assistant Location Manager on True Believer.

Longish story follows:

I was assigned to deal with the Chinatown scenes which are intercut throughout the movie and then are key to the climactic scene. A friend told me about a girl who was fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese who was trying to break into the film biz. I called the number he gave me and spoke to her about spending a few hours every afternoon talking to people on the three streets we'd be shooting. She said she could arrange her part time job schedule to work with that.

Cut to first night of filming. Everything is going great. We'd arranged everything the Director wanted and he was happy. She and I are talking. I ask where she wants to go in the film biz. She says she has no interest in pursuing a career in film.

Turns out, I'd dialed a wrong number. She was the dispatcher for a car service and just happened to be fluent in Mandarin and Cantonese. She was just a few credits short of her MBA and needed cash.

Jim Wright said...

I read somewhere that you have lousy postal service in your building - did that ever get resolved?

Google, is there nothing it can't do?

Nathan said...

Google scares the crap out of me.

And, no, they got things going good for a couple of weeks and then fired the manager at my Post Office.

Anonymous said...

Und dann habe ich gesagt, dass was die Hölle war ich denkend, versuchend, jenen alten Code zu entschlüsseln, und er hat, alle ist gesagt, als es sein sollte. Seien Sie gut, mein Freund. Und ich habe gesagt, sind Sie zu gütig. Aber erzählt niemanden, dass ich Sie dies erzählt habe, besonders mein guter Freund, Jeri. Sie wird sich um mich kümmern.