Friday, January 16, 2009

Just Enough Information.

Sorry folks. I've been more or less out of it and haven't had the energy to write. In the meantime, I've been put on less "crazy-making" drugs. So I think I'll leave out some of the TMI. (I may add some of it at a later date, 'cause some of it's pretty funny, but I'd rather make that decision when my mind is all my own.)

So, anyway, the first thing they do is a bunch of blood tests, x-rays and other stuff. Stones of the kidneys and gall are eliminated immediately. I have no "sludge" whatever the hell that is. After some other tests, it is decided that I have Pancreatitis. They've noticed a "tiny" cyst on the pancreas (which they believe is completely benign and irrelevant), a pocket of fluid around part of "Mr. Pancreas", and a small "necrotic" area on "Mr. Pancreas".

Basically what they think has happened is that my pancreas has been creating digestive enzymes, but forgetting to send them where they're supposed to go to do their job...they're just hanging out at home and digesting my own pancreas. This is why they don't want me eating = no creating digestive enzymes. Anyway, they're really hoping to just get the inflamation to go down and then get everything back to normal. They're hoping they don't even have to deal with the cyst or the "necrotic" section. (I don't know about you, but since, I'm not a Zombie, I don't like being told I have necrotic parts.)

I'm waiting for the results of last night's CAT Scan to get their next set of edicts. (Incidentally, I've been running fevers and none of the tests are telling them why. They decided to have an Infectious Diseases guy stop by yesterday to see if he had any bright ideas. While asking me questions, he became quite excited because he was actually able to palpate my pancreas. Apparently I've got the biggest swingin' pancreas on the block. Don't mess with me kids.)

Usual Disclaimer: Only healthy people and other wimps proof their work.


Shawn Powers said...

I like the show House. I really do. I don't hearing about my friends being potential episode fodder.

Get well, ya zombie.

Eric said...

So, like, will your neurotic pancreas have to go see a shrink now, or is it planning to turn its disorder into a successful stand-up comedy career?


(Hope you're alright, hope you're feeling better, and get well soon, ya' bum.)

Janiece said...

Paging Dr. House, paging Dr. House...

Plus, Nathan has a necrotic pancreas. How f'ing cool is that?

vince said...

I think Michelle is too worried about your possible zombie-ness.

Does this mean when you're better that they're gonna do a Lifetime movie about you?

Get better dude! Or we'll all come to NY and kick you ass.

Nathan said...


I don't know about cool, but it's ironic as all hell.

Anonymous said...

No, Vince, the Lifetime movie will be about Anon GF. Nathan's just the catalytic element in the story.

NG: Visualization, baby. Put your creative energy to work and go after that pancreas like R2-D2 fixing the Millennium Falcon in Empire. Or whatever.

kimby said...

Use the force Nathan. Or the drugs, or whatever it takes to cure your Zombie like body parts. Cause like Michelle, I would hate to have to shoot you...

mattw said...

I don't know about shooting zombie Nathan if he comes by IL (I don't think my bb gun would be too effective), but I have a big shovel that I wouldn't mind taking a swing with. Although if he comes around today, zombie Nathan would probably freeze out on the lawn into a zombie Nathan-sicle that I could shatter with the shovel. Sweet!

Get well soon.

Eric said...

...if you become a zombie I am so shooting your ass if you come to WV.

Michelle, you have to shoot him in the head if he becomes a zombie. Didn't you ever see Night Of The Living Dead?

Nathan said...

Please be aware that feeding the current Zombie-Nathan a tasty meatball is more than enough to stop him in his tracks.

Mmmmmm. Meatballs.

Tania said...

Pancreatitis? Man, that is one sucky disease.

Since you like your internal organs, and want to keep them, but one of them is slightly necrotic, and you now a small scale necrophiliac?

Anonymous said...

Nathan and the Necrotic Pancreas

Coming soon to a children's bookstore near you. I think it'll sell well, and be a hit at story hour!

neurondoc said...

Oooh. I've never palpated a pancreas. I had enough trouble finding the prostate... Can I come over and poke your pancreas?

I now have competing visions in my head:

1) Nathan's hairy fanged pancreas (with the requisite Zombie-halitosis) gobbling up his spleen and at least one of his kidneys

2) Nathan's withdrawn hand-wringing pancreas, off in the corner wondering why it isn't an effective digestive organ, plotting revenge on the other organs nearby (specifically the gall bladder and left kidney), because IT IS ALL THEIR FAULT...

Okay, I have to stop now before I become a neurotic zombie and Michelle shoots me or Matt takes a shovel to me.

Get well, Nathan's pancreas; we miss him...

MWT said...

*is just waiting to see what today's Vogon poetry is going to look like*

Random Michelle K said...

*is just waiting to see what today's Vogon poetry is going to look like*

Can't! Take! The Pressure!

Random Michelle K said...

Potatoes and popcorn
Lemons and lima beans
These are some things
Nathan cannot eat

Pumpkin pie is right out
As is apple and cherry
No brie, Gouda or cheddar
Not even mozzarella

Nathan's organs are on strike
They've turned to the dark side
His pancreas is a zombie
Do not feed after dark

Or when it is like
Or rainy or overcast
No food for Nathan
Just a delectable IV drip

Nathan said... now a small scale necrophiliac? I'm pretty much hoping to shed that part.

Nathan said...


They're a little concerned about how long I've been going on just the plain IV drip and now they're going to switch me to one with some nutritional supplements in it.

I'm pretty sure it's soylent green. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And Neurondoc. If you can make any progress where these guys aren't, you can palpate the hell out of my pancreas, gall bladder, spleen...

neurondoc said...

You know, I have given patients IV caffeine many a time. Perhaps you should ask for some? It's (sort of) nutritious.

I might be tempted to come up there, if only to get away from the freakazoids down here. Apparently all of the roads in the DC area will be gridlocked (more so than usual), phone service will be overloaded, and the sky will fall. I will have to go out and buy milk and toilet paper tonight, in order to get into the mood.

Jim Wright said...

Hell, I wish I'd have known about your bad pancreas last night. I pulled a whole bunch of stuff out of a moose who was no longer in need of internal plumbing about 2AM this morning, I'm pretty sure there was a perfectly good pancreas in there somewhere. I could have boxed up it in one of those little coolers (or big damn cooler in this case, because, Dude, moose organs are fucking big) and FEDEX'd it down to you. You'd have had enough pancreas for the whole damned ward.

Kidding aside, this has gone on way too long, Nathan, you're scaring me. Get better, now, that's an order.

Nathan said...

Once again everybody,

Thanks for the good thoughts. Just so everyone knows, one of the first things the Docs told me was that dealing with the pancreas doesn't happen quick, so even if I'm getting impatient and frustrated, there's still nothing wrong with the timeline going on.

Doesn't mean I have to like it though.

Janiece said...

When will you get out of the horse-pistol? Do you have a timeline, yet?

Steve Buchheit said...

It's never a good sign when the specialist gets that, "Hey, I could write an article about you, Dude" look on their faces. And hopefully you're docs aren't the "Hell, once I walked home with a broken leg and an ice-pick in my skull, that pancreas thing is a cake walk" type.

Anonymous said...

I've been computerless until today, Nathan, so I just read your blog. At the risk of stating the obvious, that totally sucks, dude. I hope your pancreas shapes up ASAP or I'll have to kick its ass.

Michelle, you have to shoot him in the head if he becomes a zombie. Didn't you ever see Night Of The Living Dead?

Eric, unfortunately that approach didn't work in Return of the Living Dead. My buddy Clu was bashing heads in with shovels and cutting them off and still the damned things were writhing.