Saturday, March 14, 2009

Incomptenz! I Haz It!

I have a tradition of admitting to SHAMEFUL SECRETS here. Well, not really, but it'll be interesting to see what kind of GoogleSearchers that brings in.

Anyway, I joined Facebook a few months back and mostly haven't done much of anything over there. Every time I search for someone from my distant past, I wind up finding 12 pages of people with similar names all over the country. Hey, the whole idea is that I'm trying to figure out "what ever happened to ______________?" If I knew where they lived now, I wouldn't have to search for them, now would I. And don't think the pictures help either. No offense old friends,'ve aged a little.

So, within the past week, I've found myself connecting with a whole slew of people all at once, owing mostly to re-connecting with some people I went to college with and a Group someone set up for people who used to work at Blake Films in Boston, (my first real job in the Biz). Suddenly, I find myself going from having a piddling 15 or so friends to having a middling 70 or so.

Cool? Sure, this could be fun. But then, as soon as I bother to figure out the inner workings of FaceBook, they went and changed the HomePage. Fuck You FaceBook! All of a sudden, I can't find diddly-squat. Where's my 'pokes' (although poking seemed a little rude in the first place)? Where did my 'Groups' go to? I just got talked into playing "Mafia" and now I can't find my master criminal. (I just bought a pistol and a crowbar and a baseball bat and someone's reimbursing me for that shit if you don't show me where I have it all stored.)

Look, I know you're all saying, "Hey, my grandmother has a FaceBook page and she knows how to use it! Hell, my 7-year-old has 1256 friends and he knows how to find them all." Well, I can't find my stuff. Congratulate your grandmother and your 7-year-old on their massive Techno-Fu, but they're not here helping me, are they?

Here's my plan:

1. I'm going to head back over to FaceBook and confirm this guy as my newest BFF. I just know he'll show me he ropes.

2. I'm gonna just randomly click on shit over there and see where I end up. That may not end up well, but my courage knows no bounds and I'm willing to take the risk. (Pay no attention to the "screaming like a little girl" you hear coming from Brooklyn. I'll get over it.)

P.S. I'm going to write a remembrance of my 6 years at Blake Films as soon as I figure out how to do it without getting anyone fired from their current job, dumped by their current Significant Other, embarrassed beyond recovery, kicked out of whatever professional association, disbarred, arrested or just plain pissed off enough to come after me with a heavy blunt object. Let's just say workplace regulations were a little bit more lax 20-odd years ago. And the sentence "Let us speak of this no more", was uttered quite often.


Jeff Hentosz said...

1) I don't get FaceBook like other people don't seem to get Twitter--there's just too much of it there. I'd like to find some people, but don't want to be found by others. I don't know how to control it, I hate not being in control, and I don't want to spend the time to find out. I'm not a commitmentphobe, but FaceBook reeks of commitment. Epic commitment.

2) That guy is not a typical Akronite. How dare he post such a foolish picture online.

Nathan said...

I'm pretty sure I know who it really is (not anyone in Ohio), but it's been years since I saw him and wouldn't want to insult anyone if I've got it wrong.

John the Scientist said...

Jeff, I've been to Akron. Many times.

You're lying. That is Akron right there, personified. :p

Jeff Hentosz said...

Now was that necessary?

Nathan: John the "Scientist," has slandered my sacred homeland. Please inform him that if he does not retract his snark, toot sweet, you will be forced to clean blood off the Polybloggimous and some emergency room will be forced to neglect a more deserving patient while they're busy STITCHING UP HIS BIG FAT LIP.

(I'm sure I'll regret this outburst later, but it felt good. Off to draft someone to fight my battles for me...)

Nathan said...


I too have spent some time in various parts of the State of Ohio. I'm reminded that my mother taught me that when I don't have anything nice to say, I should say nothing at all.

I don't want to be mean or anything, but if I was driving from Detroit to NYC, there's a good possibility my route would take me through Indiana and West Virginia.


Random Michelle K said...

That's because there's a high likelihood of baked goods in WV.

MWT said...

Ohio has some really nice rolling hills in it. Scenic. :)

MWT said...

Also, here's a link to the mafia game:

There should be a bookmark link in the footer somewhere. Click that and it'll add the game to your Applications tab (footer far left).

Nathan said...

About the Ohio thing...I'm mostly kidding, but only mostly.

For a few years at the end of the 90's, if I crossed a border (any border) into Ohio, I was practically guaranteed to have some really crappy experience drop into my lap. (Maybe it's not really Ohio, but just the borders I hate. I'm willing to try materializing in the middle of the state if anyone has a Star Trek transporter.)

Jeff Hentosz said...

Maybe they can use some stimulus money to build a Portal between Wheeling and Fort Wayne.

John the Scientist said...

Nathan, me too (mostly kidding). Ohio would be a great place, if only it had mountains. And a seashore. And culture... :p

Jeff, my college roommate is from Elyria, and went to graduate school in Cincinnati. We went to college at Rose-Hulman in Terre Haute, IN (and yes, he took a lot of shit for the river catching on fire in Cleveland).

I was also an Air Force Fellow in grad school and I used to work on grants for the Air Force administered out of Wright Pat in Dayton.

But I served my sentence in the Midwest, and I ain’t never going back. Well, that’s a little harsh. Maybe that just pertains to Western Indiana. The only way you’d get me to live in Terrible Hole again is to take my children hostage, and even then I’d go all Die Hard on your ass. Terre Haute is the pimple on the ass of the USA.

neurondoc said...

My husband is from Ohio. He escaped. I, unfortunately, am dragged there on a semi-regular basis, to commune with them. They don't look like your example, but, hell, they act like I do.

I will admit that the potential for baked goods from WV would make my next journey to OH palatable... :-)

And speaking of visits -- Nathan, I will be in NYC this weekend. We are coming up to meet my SiL and niece, and every touristy suggestion I make is being met with a resounding "bleah" from them. Therefore, I might camp out on your doorstep to escape her... :-) As long as there is NO possibility of stinky tofu.

Nathan said...


GF and I would love to meet up at some point. email know how.

P.S. I might be able to come up with suggestions that the SIL would be willing to deal with. If not, I can also suggest places to hide the body.

neurondoc said...

I have made about 15 suggestions, and all have been shot down. I just basically told her that we can meet for lunch on Sat, but spend the rest of the time apart. It really shouldn't be so freaking complicated. Let them schlep through the Village and Chinatown and Times Square by themselves. They even turned down a ride on the Staten Island Ferry... :-) Yay, I'll get to meet Nathan-the-Notable! I will email you later about meeting time/place. :-D

John the Scientist said...

They want to go to Chinatown?

WTF for? They want to buy a ceongsam? I me, we go to Chinatown for stuff like Chinese New YEar greeting cards, but we don't even shop there for food. It's not like someone's going to hold a dragon dance on the street. It's smelly, crowded, and all the best Chinese food is now in Flushing. Except maybe Dim Sum, but they don't serve that for dinner, only lunch.

neurondoc said...

John, I don't understand my SiL (she's from OH, remember?). Yes, I am familiar enough with NYC to know that Chinatown is not a destination, certainly not for a stroll. But literally everything that I have suggested except the ESB has been shot down by her for one reason or another. And now she is enormously pissed at me for saying (via an email) that this whole thing has gotten out of hand. So now I have left it that she, my niece, husband and kid will go to the ESB on Sat afternoon, and I get to meet up with Nathan. I feel that I have gotten the better deal (and she thinks I am being annoying and obstructive and exclusive).

Hmmm. Do you know a place in Chinatown that serves stinky tofu? Maybe I can send them there... :-D

Nathan said...


I've never run across any Stinky Tofu in Manhattan's Chinatown, but I do know some places with the nastiest, foulest kitchens you could ever hope to run across. And as an added bonus, the staff is unbelievably rude to Mid-Westerners. (Note: I'm not as familiar with the kitchens in Little Italy, but I know of some places where the waiters are just as rude...only in English so they'll know they've been insulted.)

John the Scientist said...

Oh man, Nathan, I know some hole in the walls with questionable hygiene, too. Natalie, you can send them somewhere that’s still marginally hygienic, but a bit…strange - bill it as “authentic” Chinese food, since they serve frog and pig stomach. Of course, Midwesterners might not appreciate the authenticity. I don’t know of any stinky tofu in Chinatown – it might contaminate all of lower Manhattan. Queens, on the other hand, has no standards, which is why Nathan and I had to schlep all the way out there for our fix.

Specifically, send them here to Lok Sing (290 Grand Street). Frog and pig stomach feature prominently on the menu. And yes, Nathan, you do care if the garlic is fresh, ‘cause if it’s not, you suspect that the staff just fished the frog out of the East River.