Friday, May 15, 2009

Fine! Go to America if You Must, But YOU WILL DIE THERE!

The Japanese are a truly pragmatic people. Exercise is important, sure. But why not use that time to also learn some valuable phrases in English? I mean really, when you get to America and you find yourself alone in a dark alley with some really scary dudes, what use is it to know how to say, "My hotel is located at...". No, clearly that would be useless.



If handing over all of your valuables doesn't work, this will probably come in handy.



And after you you've completed your meeting in the alley, you surely don't want any confusion when you find a friendly local Policeman. Do you?



And visiting America is not all about confronting dangerous individuals. If you're not used to our water, there's a little thing called Ben Franklin's Revenge.

12 comments:

Jeff Hentosz said...

And not all Americans are dangerous criminals. Many of us are inconsiderate yahoos. Here are some other useful phrases to learn for your trip to the USofA:

At the mall: "Excuse me, sir/ma'am. Your child is a blue menace on those Heelies."

At the checkout: "Your command of the Customer Service arts is evidence you are in need of long-term therapy."

In the parking lot: "Thank you for taking up three spaces near the door with your Canyonero. I needed the exercise walking from the back and the rain is refreshing."

Jim Wright said...

I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|

Jim Wright said...

I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|

Jim Wright said...

I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|

Jim Wright said...

Fuck you, Nathan, I'm gonna have that stuck in my head all fucking day.

It's the creepy smiles that does it.

Jim Wright said...

I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|

Jim Wright said...

I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /O.o\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|
I have a bad case of diarrhea! /o.O\
I have a bad case of diarrhea! -o.o-
I have a bad case of diarrhea! \o.O/
I have a bad case of diarrhea!
|O.O|

Nathan said...

For God's Sakes Jim, have some real coffee already!

Jim Wright said...

Imagine how bad I'd if I was stoned on caffeine!

I have a bad case of diarrhea! |O.O|

Ok, I'll stop now.

Maybe

Nathan said...

If you let it go on in your head long enough, it morphs into the Macarena.


Arggggghhhhhhh!

Jim Wright said...

Oh you bastard!

Now I have the image of androgynous Japanese women doing the Macarena to I have a bad case of diarrhea I have a bad case of diarrhea I have a bad case of diarrhea...

Random Michelle K said...

I'm reminded of how my friend's mother first learned English.

When she started dating his father, he said he'd teach her English only after she mastered a phrase and could say it perfectly.

It's amazing he survived telling her she'd spent the entire day saying, "I am dumb."

This has a similar feel to it--they were told a phrase but have no idea what it means.