Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Barren Wasteland Of Wordlessness.

I am bereft of ideas for a post today.  All ideas have, apparently, absconded to the wilderness where verbosity goes off to die (or, possibly just wither away as is their wont).

Therefore, today is Reader Request Day!

You're invited to ask me stuff!  Or suggest stuff.  Or demand stuff.


It's not like I"m brimming with ideas of my own today.  Do your worst!


Megan said...

I do reader-submitted complaints/questions all the time, so here's mine:

What's the strangest comment you've ever received?

Nathan said...

Thanks for playing Megan!

I don't know if it counts as the strangest, but here's one.

"Well, I know a way.First you'll need a few things:- 1 medium sized aardvark, cut into cubes- 1 box metric threaded wing nuts (10mm-24)- 50ft water-proof high speed, smokeless det cord- A 1 liter diet pepsi bottle (empty, washed, with cap)- 1 family-sized can Crisco- 2 paper clips, alligator type- a circus clown- compass (gyroscopic, self powered, type 6 in binnacle)- 1 left-handed monkey wrench (large)Call me when you've got that list together and I'll give you the rest of the directions.Oh, and pick up a sixer of Killians and a large bottle of Excedrin."

I can't remember the context, but it was either advice on how to keep a family of 12 Guatemalans comfortable in my cellar, or something about removing bloodstains. Either way, I haven't tried it. said...

Whatever happened to "In the War Room"? I want to know how it ended!

Nathan said...


There are a number of possible answers to that question.

Current events refuse to stay current long enough for the story to remain current.

On the advice of counsel, I regret that I must avail myself of my rights under the Fifth Amendment.

My protagonist is a lazy git who has gone off on a looooooong vacation and refuses to update me on the occurrences in question.

I've run up against a brick wall?

I could tell you exactly how it ends -- I know that part. I just have no idea how it gets there.

mattw said...

If Harry Potter were to successfully mate with a wombat (they have magic afterall), what would you call the offspring?

vince said...

Do you know the way to San Jose?

John the Scientist said...

Are you ever going to film in Chinatown again? :D

Nathan said...


I have to say I'd consider this a completely unsatisfactory match, but if Harry feels the need to procreate with a wombat, I'd call the offspring Edwina if it's a girl and Myron if it's a boy.


There are a great many San Jose's in the world. You'll have to be more specific.


I'll film in any Goddamn Chinatown I want to and you'll like it!

A knight who says "ni!" said...

I demand a shrubbery.

Christine O'Donnell said...

I would like you to say something about how we need to promote abstinence by telling these filthy, filthy teenagers to stop touching themselves... in their bedrooms... with the lights down in their bedrooms... while their parents are asleep in the next room... and their hands move slowly over their supple, young, high-schooler's flesh as they--

Forget it!

What I really wanted to ask was: would you please stop following me home and hiding in my bushes?

Don said...

Hey, you live in New York, right? Maybe you can help me with this: you know my song, "New York Minute"? Yeah, well, what the fuck was I talking about?


Karl Rove said...

I'd like to know why you let wackos like Christine O'Donnell comment on your blog. It offends common sense people like me.

Rudy Giuliani said...

Do you miss me yet?

Nathan said...


I have no answer for you. In fact, I was always convinced you ghost-wrote all those songs for America. None of those made a lick of sense.

Knight who says "ni",

I can let you have my shrubbery when I'm done with it. I'm currently using it for camouflage while stalking Christine.

And I'm just pleased and honored that Karl and Rudy showed up!

Nathan said...

P.S. I know that wasn't really Rudy. That comment didn't even hint at 9/11.

Traci Lords said...

Why haven't you called me back? I need someone to scout my locations... for my tv show, I mean.

Perez Hilton said...

I'm wondering if you would be willing to name names, even take some discreet pictures, for me? Especially that latest bit you posted about... yummy scandal!

The Tick said...

Why was I cancelled? And what can I do to get the studios to consider a retro remake, preferably a motion picture? And would you work on it, if they green-lighted the project?