Friday, June 12, 2009
Contrary to Popular Opinion...That's Not My Fucking Job!
There are lots of jobs, both big and small, that the Locations Department is expected to do. If you need to make arrangements for a grand piano to fall to the street from the 33rd floor of a building, that's our job. If the men's room in the extras' holding area is out of toilet paper, unfortunately, that's our job too. There are scads of things we can appropriately be asked to deal with and they run the gamut from how cool is that kinda stuff, to oh shit, where's the new guy kinda stuff.
There are, however, a bunch of things that I don't know about and I don't want to know about.
-I don't know how you can get your SAG card.
-I don't know who's doing the music for the movie, who you might ask about who's doing the music for the movie, or how you'd find out who's doing the music for the movie.
-In a related note, I don't have the time nor will I be engrossed if you wish to tell me about the brand new 98 track recording studio you just installed in your basement.
-I don't want to read your script and I can't hook you up with anyone who's going to produce it for you.
-If you're not someone intimately related with a location or service that I need, I can't get you anybody's autograph. Or an 8" x 10" of them. Or your picture taken with them. Or backstage passes to see them perform next week.
-This movie isn't going to win any awards. Even if it does, I can't get you invited to the Oscars.
-I also can't get you invited to the Premiere of the movie.
-I can't get you the DVD. The movie might come out next year. By then, I'll be so forgotten by the assorted powers-that-be that I'll be happy if they remember me when there's a crew screening. (You can't come to that either.)
-I don't find the picture cars, so I'm really not interested in your 1949 Ford pickup truck. Yes, I'm sure it is beautiful. Now go away.
While we're at it, here's the answer to a question I've been asked way too many times...
-The reason you've never seen this movie is that we're not finished shooting it yet. We don't beam this shit live into the theaters 5-times-a-day.
Posted by Nathan at 9:23 AM