Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Governors: A Love Story

I officially live in the best damned part of the country. You guys out in the hinterlands may get your political sex scandals every now and then, but we get 'em with a quantity discount.

Last week, outspoken crusader against prostitution, Eliot Spitzer was revealed to be a regular customer. His best selling memoir will be out next week.

Yesterday, David Paterson was sworn in to replace Mr. Spitzer. His inaugural address could easily have been mistaken for a stand-up bit at Caroline's. Shortly after making his speech, he and his wife revealed to the Daily News that they had each had affairs a few years ago, but had patched up their difficulties.

Jim McGreevey, news-whore extraordinaire was not to be outdone. You'll, of course, remember him as the "Gay-American" ex-Governor of New Jersey. So, Dina Matos McGreevey, who is in a bitter custody battle with Jimmy was extremely vocal about Spitzer's indiscretions and Jimmy's ex-chauffer Tim Pederson just couldn't take it any more. In order to contradict Dina's stance that she was blindsided when Jimmy announced that he was gay, Timmy claimed that he took part in a weekly three-way with Jimmy and Dina before he was Governor. Dina says it never happened.

OK, since one of them is obviously lying, how do you prove which one? Will Timmy be describing Dina's birthmarks in court soon? I have no idea, but we'll certainly be hearing more about this than any of us ever cared to know before.

And more importantly, what's the matter with Connecticut Governor, Jodi Rell? Why are you letting NY and NJ grab the spotlight. When do we discover the tawdry details of your relationship with Martha Stewart. How come your protection detail never reported the thousands of dollars you've spent at Chippendale's? C'mon Jodi, fess up. Do your part to keep the Tri-State area great!


Janiece said...

I think I see a "Who Cares? Magazine" cover coming on...

Random Michelle K said...

Okay, from my limited experience, male strippers are not so fantastic. I'd much rather go to a female strip club.

The male strippers I had the misfortune to see had the attitude that they were *very* full of themselves, and of *course* we were paying money to see their stuffed thongs (and they were obviously stuffed.) They had a smug creepy attitude that I found very unpleasant. Plus? "Dancing" around in a cops outfit? Not exciting. And thinking you can touch me because I'm a patron? No way in hell.

The female strippers I've seen seemed to take themselves much less seriously, and their performances were actually quite interesting. (As in, "wow! I wish I was that flexible!")

So I can't see how anyone would spend thousands of dollars at Chippendale's unless they were VERY drunk for a VERY long period of time.

But that's just me.

Nathan said...

Well if we're going for scandal, being drunk for a very long time would just be the cherry on the cake.

Works for me.

Janiece said...

Michelle, I kind of feel the same way. I have for years - since I gave my mind a house-cleaning when I was stationed in the P.I.

Anonymous said...

Actually Gov. Jodi replaced the CT governor that had to resign because of a sex and $$ scandal.
Jees, keep up with the gossip!

Nathan said...

Yeah, but that's old news already.

What's Jodi doing for us this week?

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Sounds like marital misadventures are all the rage in gubernatorial circles.

I abhor the narrow-minded, self-righteous 'family values' mindset and all that it entails - at the same time, can't these folks keep their pants zipped?

Eric said...

What's Jodi doing for us this week?

Patience, Nathan. It going to take the Connecticut AG's office a little more time to get all those subpoenas out to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. But when they do, and the indictments start coming down....

Clowns, Nathan. And an extremely limber pansexual trapeze artist. And a whole new dimension to the phrase "media circus." Or so I've herard--but shush, we shouldn't say too much more about it. But you'll have no cause for complaint. Trust me. This is going to make people forget Eliot Spitzer's existence.

Okay. 'Nuff said. I've already said too much. Don't want to spoil it. Did I mention the elephants? No, never mind. It'll be better if it's a surprise.