Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Silda Spitzer is Kvelling!

Kvell is Yiddish for a feeling of delight and pride. Did you see Silda at the "Press Conference" with Eliot the other day? No? Here it is. Take a look.

Well, what's not to be proud of? And Eliot apologized, didn't say what he was apologizing for and didn't resign. He's apparently spent the last couple of days telling Federal Prosecutors that he's willing to resign if they don't charge him with a felony. The Federal Prosecutors have apparently been telling him, "That's your bargaining chip? Hahahahahahahaha!"

And the important part of the story on the local CBS Affiliate was trumpeted over and over again yesterday afternoon. You know those one sentence promos for the 5 O'clock news. "Should Eliot Spitzer's wife divorce him? Find out at Five!" Oooh. It'll be like American Idol and we get to decide.

Everyone is waiting for the inevitable resignation. For two days, the news has been telling us it'll happen any time now. Will he drag Silda in front of the press again? Is she masochist enough to show up. Has she been on the phone with Jim McGreevey's ex-wife?

Since Jim's "I am a Gay-American" speech went down so well, I'd like to humbly suggest that Eliot follow suit. After all, announcing his patriotic homosexuality got Jim off the hook for all sorts of fiscal malfeasance, hiring scandals and who knows what-all else. Brilliant.

Here's the speech I propose:

"Two days ago, it was revealed that I have recently behaved in a shameful manner. I have behaved in a shameful manner on a regular basis for at least 9 years and spent Tens of Thousands of Dollars doing it. Today, I am here to announce that I am a Horny, Rich-American. In spite of the Mann Act and any number of other State and Municipal ordinances that might seem to bear on the issue, this is a private matter between my family and I. I will resign office, effective immediately and Lt. Governor Paterson will take office immediately thereafter. I will not be taking any questions, nor will I discuss the 2012 Presidential Election at this time."

I bet that'll make everyone happy. Especially Silda.


Random Michelle K said...

I've figured out what's been bugging me about Eliot Spitzer all week.

He looks like Michael Eddington!

What kind of chutzpa does it take to get your wife to stand beside you while you all but admit you've been paying hot chicks lots of money to boink you?

If that were my husband? 1) He'd have needed better make-up to cover his black eyes. 2)There would have been a lot more groveling.

Tom said...

Stop! You're kvelling me!

What if he's such a horrible lover that his wife doesn't want anything to do with that part of the marital contract, and knew about the several shameful incidents. tacitly looking the other way, while deploring the necessity all the while?

Now that his indiscretions have been publically aired, she just can't surpress the delight that she now has him over a barrel, such that we mistake her display of emotion as delight and pride at him, rather than recognizing it's real source.

I mean, politics makes strange bedfellows!

Nathan said...

You mean I don't get a vote on whether or not they divorce? Crap!

Jeff Hentosz said...

Feh. Silda just looked plain farshemen to me.

Anonymous said...

I can't speak to why women publicly stand by their man in times of, err, crisis of integrity.

Given the history - Clinton, Craig, now Spitzer - I'd say it's a really cruel & humiliating custom to make 'em do it on camera in formal press conference. PR hacks, give the poor women a break and advise the guy to face the music alone.

I have a faithful and ethical husband - but in general if a PR consultant advised me to stand by a man and hold his hand while he confessed to clubbing baby seals, I'd say, "Hell, no, hire an actress!"

Nathan said...

Well, to be fair, hiring girls was what started all the trouble in the first place.

Jeff Hentosz said...


C'mon, you two planned that one in advance, didn't you?

"Jeri & Nathan, ladies & gentlemen -- show 'em some love! They'll be back a little later."

Janiece said...

Jeri, if i was expected to stand by my baby seal-clubbing partner, I would be sorely, sorely tempted to bring a club to the press conference, then apply it appriately after he said how sorry he was. Then I could say, "Now you're sorry."

And then walk away.

Anonymous said...

Too funny, Janiece. I agree!

And Jeff... serving as Nathan's straight person may be my primary purpose in the blogosphere. ;)