I know you guys love it when I tell you heroic tales of my glamorous life in the business that is Film. You like to live vicariously through my tales of daring-do and rubbing shoulders with famous, cool people.
I'm going to let you in on something I bet you didn't know. Did you know that the Locations Department is responsible for having the trash picked up? Mountains of trash. Every Freakin' Day. On an average day, a movie shoot will produce about 40 huge bulging bags of garbage. You can't just leave that sort of thing by the side of the road and wait for Tuesday's pickup. You have to find a private carter.
And as amazingly unbelievable as it may seem, for some reason private carters aren't just lining up for the opportunity to pick up your crap at a different location every day and to know that they'll only have you as a client for a month or two.
I have a company I've used for my last 5 or 6 movies. With a few missed connections, they've always been pretty dependable.
On this show, they missed picking up on the first night. I spoke to the owner the next morning and he said they'd be there for it during the day and make another pickup overnight. Nah! I started getting screamy phone calls at about 8:00 a.m. asking me when I was going to get my "mountain of shit" out of the parking lot. I couldn't get my guy on the phone. Nor to return a call.
Finally, I was able to hire a guy to deal with it. Then, I started worrying about tonight. I made a bunch of phone calls trying to connect with my usual guy and had my office start making calls about finding a backup. We finally found someone to hire at 4:45 this afternoon.
I spent way to much of my day today thinking about garbage.
That's just crap!
::offers Nathan a cold adult beverage::
BTW, apparently I have lipgloss hidden in the butt.
Thanks for the drink and I haven't got a clue about the lipgloss part.
Did I miss something in today's 7000 emails and forums and texts?
Were they YOUR marbles Nathan?
Your problem is you're too close to the problem. Step back here where I am and all becomes clear.
You have two large rivers nearby. There are long bridges over those rivers. Bridges are good because you have generous, clear lines of sight and cops can't sneak up on you. Bridges are also good -- and this is the most important part -- because they let gravity work for you. Are ya with me?
Finally, you have enough bridges you never have to use the same one twice!
A more creative option would be to "borrow" clothing from the production's wardrobe department, dress the bags snugly and send your new happy little "youth group" on a one-way trip to Liberty Island. That boat gets so crowded no one will notice until it's halfway across the harbor.
What else can I troubleshoot you for?
Jeff, that's a great laugh to head for bed on.
Michelle, no, that's garbage.
And Nathan, you probably don't want to know about the lipgloss hidden in the butt, or that Tania has an in with the owner of a store her way that sells "adult" items.
Or maybe you do.
OK, that Butt joke has gone far enough ;)
Wow, Nathan is trash man to the stars. How glamorous. :)
Obviously, you've missed the boat here Nathan. Just dump the trash into a hole in the ground and set it on fire. After all, if it's good enough for my hillbilly neighbors, it's good enough for the film industry.
Since the green movement is all the rage, maybe you could leave it all out somewhere and say it's a big compost heap. You'd probably win an award for your environmental consideration.
Jeff H has the added benefit of living where the river will catch on fire occasionally and destroy all the evidence.
You could murder a random bystander, drape his or her body across the garbage, and anonymously call 911.
Then the garbage CAN'T be hauled off, it's a crime scene, but you can move on with a clean conscience (relatively speaking) to your next shooting location.
Shooting location. ::snicker::
Hey, John, did you catch the moon landing in July, too? And did you make it to upstate New York to take in that music festival last month -- Woodstomp or Woolstock or something like that?
40 years ago next June, smart guy. 40 years.
Now, now, kids. Play nice.
And for the record, I like Jeri's idea the best.
Shooting Location. Hahahahaha
Not a peep from NG in 24 hours, btw. You'ns think the garbage won? Anyone up for wagering? Somebody close to the city go look around for a pile of bags with a moustache sticking out the bottom.
(Re, "you'ns": three grandparents born in Pittsburgh. :P, Michelle.)
Wow, what timing.
Possibly, I was just waiting for your comment and immediately pounced?
Eerie, ain't it!
You're a spooky man.
And it's spelled "Erie." XD
Ack! Ack! MY EYES! My EARS! My BRAINS!
Y'ALL! It's Y'ALL!
You'ns is an ABOMINATION! I am quite certain it's mentioned somewhere in Leviticus. Probably near wearing clothing of mixed fibers or not eating shell fish or something.
All Y'all is the plural form of y'all, right?
But what about "Me'n You'n A Dog Named Kazoo"?
You're a spooky man.
Jeff, you may remember that you provided some of my first introduction to HTML when I asked how to do it over on a Whatever comment thread. You posted some basic ones in the same thread. I just copied and pasted the whole thing into a Word doc that I still keep on my desktop. You started the comment by saying...
Don't mind me. I'm going to follow Nathan from thread to thread for a while, just to make him antsy.
Yeah. I'm fucking spooky. XD
You will suffer for that!
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