I've mentioned that I'm a smoker. I'm not stupid and I know it's not good for me. In addition to having a serious addiction, I also like smoking. Sue me. And you know what else. It makes me a great citizen because they just raised the tax on cigarettes again and by the end of the week, a pack of smokes is gonna be Ten Fucking Dollars in NYC. (And they closed that internet cheap smokes from the Indian Reservation loophole.)
Yeah, fine! I'm a fucking pariah.
So earlier today, I'm walking down the street (smoking a cigarette) and some guy cleaning the windows in front of his Brownstone calls, "Hey, buddy." I make a "Who me?" gesture and say, "Yeah?"
He says, "You're smoking is killing me."
I did fairly well at first. After a moment of "Huhmina huhmina huhmina" I said, "Did you actually just stop me on a public street to tell me that my smoking offends you from 2o' away?"
He said in a very hostile tone, "Yeah! You're smoking is kill-ing me!"
I could have delivered any number of bon mots.
I could have said, "And stopping me so my cigarette is in your vicinity longer is helping you how?"
I could have said in a kind tone, "You're a pathetically sad human being."
I could have offered to stay right there and finish my cigarette right in front of his house.
I don't remember exactly what I said, but "Asshole" was the operative word in the sentence.
Have you ever been so taken aback by what someone said to you that you were totally at a loss for a comeback? And thought up a bunch of them later?