Somewhere In A Malternate Universe.

In yesterday's round of reading the entire internet, (I was bored, so I read the whole thing), I stopped in over at Brian White's Talk Wordy to Me. Yesterday's post over there contained links to a few things he had found interesting. One of the links took me to this post on Watch Yer Language. The proprietor there was decrying the existence of the word malternative. Once I read the actual definition (alternatives to malt liquor such as Zima), I found myself in agreement with him in that context.

But if you read the comments, you'll see that I (and the commenter who got there ahead of me, the bastard), had heard the word differently. To quote the commenter:

"Before I read what a “malternative” was, I thought the word was a portmanteau of “mal-” and “alternative,” making the word refer to a bad alternative. In that case, it wouldn’t have been such a bad word."

Note: I don't think it actually is a portmanteau since I think of the "mal" as a prefix rather than a word on its own. But it does end up providing us with a perfectly good word if we only seize the moment and utterly co-opt it. Just think of all the situations where it'll come in handy.

John McCain: "Sarah Palin? Really? Who the hell is she?"
McCain Advisor: "She's the least objectionable malternative."

or how about,

Me in a Chinese Restaurant: "Jeez, the stinky tofu sure is expensive. Do you have a cheaper malternative?"


Yes folks, I just know this one is gonna catch on. Just like my coinage for trawling did!

The assignment, then, for today shall be the co-opting of words. What words out there already have a perfectly good (or bad) definition, but you think it should mean something else? Throw your worst malternatives at me.