Monday, February 25, 2008

Brachiosaur Wankbottom

NOTE: Today's post is patently offensive. Please don't tell me you're offended. Its offensive; I get that. If you're easily offended, this post is sure to raise your blood pressure. Don't read it.

I don't know if any of you have noticed, but one of the links I have posted over on the right side banner is the Random Name Generator. Its kind of neat and really useful if you're writing. It will give you male names or female names or both and you can set the obscurity on a range of 1 to 100 (one being common as dirt and 100 being Venusian).

So, then, over the weekend, I was introduced to The Insulting Name Generator. Now here's the thing. Most of these "random" whatever generators really are totally random. Works great for the Random Name Generator, but you'd like to think that Insulting Names would be, ya'know...personal. And they are! No matter how many times you ask it, "Wendy" will always come back "Herpesmonkey." I like that.

So anyway, what happens when you attack the Random Name Generator with The Insulting Name Generator. Let me show you.

Set the obscurity level at 15. You get:

Jannette Lannon
Derrick Calzada
Bette McCutcheon
Maurice Guntrum
Trudy Nishimoto
Elisabeth Halloran
Keri Lacoste
Jillian Sack
and
Herman Grear

Feed these folks to the Insult Name Generator and you get:

Odious and unpleasant child Klanlover
Mankdick Cheap lazy faggot
Bucket-o-piles Puppymuncher
Paraplegickicker Endometrium
Fucktard Humungousbottom
Penisbreath Onewhoswallows
Momfucker Extra-chromosome-special
Republican Slapfuck
and
Herpesmonkey Horsefather

Now granted, some of these are better than others, and the fact that Herman and Wendy get the exact same treatment is a little disappointing, but taken as a whole, I think the mashup of these two generators provides a highly valuable service. Is there anything the internet can't do?


P.S. A few days ago, I ran across this listing. To quote, it says, "An international film school is seeking a blogger to make regular entries on the school website. The blog would focus on the film, television and acting industries. Interesting news, current events, happenings and issues would be addressed in the blogs. Blogging experience or similar writing experience is a must."

So I says to myself, "I'm in the film business. I know stuff. I even blog." (well, not for long, but enthusiastically.) So I responded to the listing and included links to this site and to "No Crying in the War Room.", thinking that would let them get a look at my writing.

Something tells me that if anyone wanders over from there today, I won't be hearing from them.


Oh, and one more thing. Remember that site that gives you a film rating for your blog. I just went there after posting this and got a rating of PG-13. I guess if the swearing is really juvenile, they make allowances for that.

34 comments:

MWT said...

Quick - fix the typos in the first two paragraphs before they see!

Janiece Murphy said...

I like "Republican Slapfuck."

It comes in second behind "Hideous Ass-Candle."

And you film-school guys? You should hire Nathan. Really.

Nathan said...

MWT,

Fixed! That was embarrassing.

Janiece,

I'm particularly fond of "Fucktard Humungousbottom".

and not to correct you or anything but it arse-Candle.

Jeff Hentosz said...

Quick - fix the typo in that last sentence!

Nathan said...

Jeff,

You'd better behave or I'll sic F-Disk, The Deleter on you. (as soon as his tummy feels better.)

Jeff Hentosz said...

I apologize. I will do my best, as your guest, not to embarrass you again.

(Now will someone else kindly point out to Nathan that his pronoun before "arse candle" needs to be a contraction? Thank you.)

Nathan said...

Damn!

Jeff, that's not where you told me to look...and I can't edit comments.

D'oh!

I'll just fix that here.

's

Kate said...

I think I broke the insulting name generator.

Mine comes back as:

Father of forty dogs Zebra bastard zebra zebra zebra zebra fucker


I must really like zebras. I didn't think I did. But I guess I do.

Nathan said...

I think I broke the insulting name generator.

LOL!

That gives me an idea. If we get, oh, maybe 50 people to go on the Insult Generator and search "Englebert Humperdink" at the exact same moment, we could leave the entire internet a smoking crater. Just a thought.

vince said...

And I would be Odious and unpleasant child Valdoonican'slovechild.

Oh, this is MUCH more fun than working.

Hmmm... there are definitely possibilities here. Evil possibilities. Bwahahahaha!

vince said...

Kate, I put a friend of mine's name in, and it also broke it. Her name came back as

Zebra bastard zebra zebra zebra zebra fucker Gherkinpenis

Shawn Powers said...

That was fun, and I particularly like my name:

Fishpants Pissknickers

I can't think of one I'd like better. :)

Nathan said...

Yeh, Fishknickers,

But is the tummy better after you purposely poisoned yourself?

Shawn Powers said...

Yes, much better. :) Your 38 cents will not be required, at least for a while. hehehee

Kate said...

Vince,

At least you got a gherkinpenis on the end. Mine sounded like a stuttering epithet by someone who can't think of anything original to say about me, which hurts me even more.

I heart zebras.

Nathan said...

So GF noticed me laughing at Shawn's post (actually, the couch was shaking a little.) And I tell her his result. And she asks me what name I got for myself. And I break down laughing because, for some reason, it never occurred to me to plug my own name in. 'Cause, I'm an idjit.

So what does my name get from the insult generator?

Penisbreath Shoesniffer.

I'm strangely pleased.

Michelle K said...

I thought this post was supposed to be offensive?

Michelle K said...

And have you taken the other tests and Rum & Monkey?

I'm very fond of the Horrible Affliction Test. I usually come out "Rabies"

Anne C. said...

Heh, I got: Fannyears Trollop. That's not too bad. They must like me over there.

kimberly-ann said...

Jambrain Widdlemouth

Widdlemouth? I do not think in all of my 40+ years that i have ever been told that i have a little mouth. Although the first part...my mind HAS been feeling a little mushy lately.

Thanks Nathan...now i have yet another reason to NOT get my work done today!

Michelle K said...

Maybe it's widdle as in toddlers going to pee and not widdle as in dimunitive?

Chris said...

The random name generator is a great tool, but this is much more fun. I am:

Gherkinpenis Essence of sheer vile

I'm a little insulted at Gherkinpenis, but Essence of sheer vile is certainly me!

Janiece Murphy said...

I am "Pusjuice Momfucker."

ew.

kimberly-ann said...

Michelle K...is that your way of saying i have a potty mouth?

Oh..i knew i was going to like it here!

Michelle K said...

kimberly-ann,

No, I'd just straight up say, "you've got a fucking potty mouth" if that were the case.

I'm honest like that.

kimberly-ann said...

MK..a girl after my own heart..didn't you mention some where that you had vodka?
This widdlemouth is thirsty...it MUST be 5 o'clock somewhere right?

Michelle K said...

Yes! Mishka has vodka!

Sit! Relax! Drink!

Vodka good for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack!

(pours vodka)

kimberly-ann said...

(Takes Vodka from Mishka and shoots it back.)

Yummy..thanks Mishka...Now where is Nathan with that Chinese food?

You all make newcomers here feel so welcome!

vince said...

Vodka. Chinese food. Insults.

Gee, I wonder why my producivity for today isn't very high?

Nathan said...

Vince,

Speaking for the management here at Polybloggimous, we do try to provide a valuable service.

sincerely,

Penisbreath Shoesniffer

Tania said...

Well, I certainly couldn't go visit from work - first initial last name gives me one I can live with.

From now on, you may address me as Cuntbucket Chihuahuasmoker.

Nathan said...

Tania,

That's an excellent insult name. I'm almost jealous.

Todd Wheeler said...

Darren Bowdler: Zebra bastard zebra zebra zebra zebra fucker Widdlebreath

Nelson Bowlder: Herpesmonkey Widdlebreath

Eugenia Bowlder: Pudgenasher Widdlebreath

Heh. Now I know what to do when stuck for names for characters.

Yours truly,
Odious and unpleasant child Essence of sheer vile

Nathan said...

Crap,

No more contests from Todd.