So, a few months ago, GF and I decide we're lazy and want pizza for dinner. And we're tired of, ya'know, the authentic pizzas we can order from any of the 6 pizza joints in the immediate neighborhood. So we ordered Dominos...on line. That's kinda fun. Well, I don't remember all the details, but the pizza was taking forever to get here and we kept getting their fucking call-center in Mumbai and they were either lying to us about when the pizza had left the store, or our pizza had been driving around Brooklyn for about an hour and 45 minutes, neither of which was acceptable. The kid finally arrived and I told them to shove their pizza and I ordered from one of the places I should have called in the first place.
Then I fired of the time-honored strongly worded email to Dominos customer support folks, who promptly sent back the time-honored, "We'll look into it" response. A few weeks go by and we want pizza again and I called one of the good neighborhood joints. For the fun of it, I found the "response" email from Domonos and zapped it back to them with a note saying, "We're having pizza again tonight, but not yours because you're still apparently looking into why your stores aren't capable of delivering delivery-pizza."
They sent me a nice note (yeah, right) with three $5.00 coupons (which will buy you about 3/4 of a pizza. Yay!
So, this afternoon, I decide I want pizza for dinner. I've got coupons. I'll get Dominos. Go onto their nifty website. Order pizza. Tell them I'd like dinner at 7:00pm. I receive the confirming email at 4:20pm. Nifty. I don't have to think about this again til the doorbell rings.
At about ten minutes after 7:00, I go back to the email confirmation. Click on the link to the "Pizza Tracker". See that my pizza was placed in a box at 6:41 p.m. There's nothing about it leaving the store. I figure maybe the Tracker doesn't update like every freakin' minute, so have a little patience.
7:30 rolls around. Call the number that's supposed to be in the store. Talk to the friendly guy in Mumbai. Get put on hold for 10 minutes. Talk to the guy who is in the store. He puts me on hold. While I'm on hold, the "Pizza Tracker" clicks over and says, "Your pizza expert Mahmoud, left to store with your pizza at 7:48 p.m." So, when the guy comes back on the phone to proudly tell me that the pizza is on the way, I tell him I don't want a pizza that's been sitting around for over an hour. Make me a new one and get it over here, puhleeeeze.
It's 8:30 now. I'm hungry.
Update: 8:45 pm. Still no pizza. Still hungry!
Update: 8:47. Phone rings. I answer. Guy with accent says, "Your pizza's been sitting here for like an hour. Are you coming for it or not." I holler, "Its a fucking delivery. You were supposed to have it here at 7:00. You're supposed to be a fucking delivery place." Pizza Guy laughs at me. Says, "This is really Shawn Powers, I read your post and just wanted to prank you."
Shawn is out of the family.
8:50: Still no pizza.
8:51: I realize I'm live-blogging a pizza delivery.
9:03: Still. No. Pizza. And Shawn, I notice their headquarters is in your neck of the woods. Would you go yell at them tomorrow?
9:10pm: Losing strength. Must hang on!
Update: 9:20. I call again! Where's my pizza. Tell the guy to call the kid and find out. He tells me the customer before me is paying with a credit card when he said he'd be paying cash. I say, "There's customers before me for my pizza at 7:00pm?????
Barely have the strength left to press "Enter"
Update: 9:31pm. Still nothing to eat, but I can console myself with this.
Update: 9:50 Call again. Where's my pizza? Its coming. When? Soon. Well, where is the kid now? Are you delivering to anyone else before me? Yeah one more customer before you. I hang up. Call Liberty Pizza. I'll send the Dominos kid back when (if) he gets here. I'll be sending Dominos their coupons back tomorrow. I won't have any use for them.
I'll also send them a link to this post.
Fuck Dominos. Really. Idiots.
Update, the last: It is now 11:05. Liberty Pizza brought a delicious pizza at 10:25 (less than a half-hour after calling them.) I am fed. I am calmed. I have Irish whiskey.
To clear up a couple of things. I like variety in all things including pizza. There are times where, what I want is a Dominos thin crust pizza. I like them. But since they don't seem to be able to get them to me, I won't be calling them in the future. (They never showed up.)
I never used any profanity with the real Dominos guy. (And Shawn totally baited me. Excellent work, young man.) The worst language I used with the real guy was when he told me that there was still one pizza being delivered before mine. I said, "Well after you screwed up delivering the first pizza, I'd think you might make this one a priority." He put me on hold again and I hung up at that point.
Like I said, when I send a real paper letter with their coupons back to them, I'm going to send them the link to this post. Could you guys act like you're a lot more people than you actually are? I need them to tremble at the scope of my reach.
I'll post about Science Guy tomorrow. Getting pizza is exhausting.