Monday, February 18, 2008

This is a Liza-Free Zone

Yesterday, in a comment thread, Mr. Nelson said,

"Really? An Oscar Pool? Never heard of such a thing. I am so freaking Republican. I have
really got to branch out and find my "Inner Liza"."

I responded,

"I'll tolerate your right wing leanings, but don't go spouting Liza crap here. She's not
permitted here unless you've got disturbing photos. Liza freaks me out."

I feel the need to expand on this policy (since y'know, I've never mentioned it before).

There are certain people I consider too creepy for words. In much the same way that I'll turn away from the TV when they're showing a liposuction wand being rammed in an out of a thigh, I get squeamish when certain faces show up. They include, but are not limited to:

This Guy

And This Guy

Remember Her?

She Gets A Lot Of Press!

These Two Have Been Haunting Us Way Too Long!

So, please. If you feel the need to talk about, refer to, allude to, cite, quote, or otherwise speak about anything related to these people, please do it elsewhere. This is a Liza-Free Zone.

These Lovable Guys, However, Are Totally Welcome Here!


Tom said...

Oooh, you needed to put up a NSFCAODC warning! (Shudder)

Jeff Hentosz said...

Oh, you kids with your "LOL" and "BFF" and whatnot. What's this one now? Not Safe For Circus Animals and Ohio Democratic Commissioners? Not Safe For Cardiac Arrested and Obese Diabetic Carnivores? 'splain.

John the Scientist said...

#1 and #4 are unfamiliar to me.

Nathan said...


#1 is, of course, the title character for this post.

#4 was something of a celebrity
"NY Post" sorta way.

Jeff Hentosz said...

psst, Nathan: John might mean "after, of course" Liza, because I'm a pop culture junkie and it took me a minute to recognize David Gest -- that is the former Mr. Liza, isn't it? And alleged singing sensation and chemistry experiment Amy Winehouse is possibly more a cypher in academia than not.

If I'm wrong, sorry for sticking my nose in. But I still want to know what Tom's alphabet salad means.

Janiece said...

That woman in #4 needs to step away from the plastic surgeon's office.

Boy, Howdy...

Nathan said...

I believe Tom was saying that its Not Safe From Caustic Arthritis Or Dioxin Contamination.

I believe a lot of things tho...

Random Michelle K said...

Isn't #4 the woman who has had plastic surgery to make herself look like a cat?

And wasn't there a man involved in there somewhere?

Also, who's the first guy? He's rather frightening.

Nathan said...

Michelle, yes, that's the cat lady. I don't remember her story or about a guy involved...just that hideous face.

The guy on the beach is David Gest, Liza's ex-hubby. Singly, they are merely frightening. As a unit, they were Horrorpalooza!

Eric said...

I would agree with you, except I've had to give Liza a free pass ever since she turned her inherent creepiness into a magnificent running gag when she played Buster's girlfriend on Arrested Development. Anyone who can have that much fun basically being the butt of a joke has previously-unsuspected levels of awesome.

Nathan said...


I've never seen Arrested Development, so Liza doesn't get her William Shatner reprieve from me. I'll have to take your word for it that she's got some currently redeeming qualities.

Now, lets speak of her no more.

John the Scientist said...

Yeah, Nathan, even I know Liza. guest and #4 I did not know.

John the Scientist said...

Who is #4?

Nathan said...

Amy Winehouse.

Don't you recognize that animal on her head?

John the Scientist said...

I don't know who Amy Winehouse is.

Nathan said...

The short answer is she's a Grammy winning singer who's been in the news more for crack addiction and O.D's and walking the streets without remembering to get dressed.

The long answer is that I don't have the snark to do her justice at the moment.

Jeff Hentosz said...

Why do I bother f'ing around here in the middle of the afternoon, sorting out confusions and answering y'alls questions way back at the beginning of the thread, when you just work it out amongst yourselves in the evening down here at the tail?

Hmm? Hmm?

::stamps foot and runs out of blog in tears::

Jeff Hentosz said...

Oh, and as for your "Liza Free Zone"?


So there. Foom me.

Nathan said...

She's welcome in the blog I keep in 1981.

Jeff Hentosz said...

Just 73 years to go, over at the "...War Room"! I'll wait.

Anonymous said...

WOW, I made the Lead Story for today's blog. I am so honored. I thought for sure LIZA was a superstar in your realm. Shows what I know.

Actually I thing "NSFCAODC" is a group called: NORTH SIOUX FALLS CRIMINAL AND OVER DEMANDING CITIZENS. Just a hunch.

Eric said...

You've... never... seen Arrested Development?

I weep for you.

You need to rent all three seasons, stat! Ye gods, man! 'Twas one of the funniest television shows of all time! Go! Rent! Watch!

Nathan said...


About ten years ago, I went to Toronto to work on a movie. I knew I'd be gone for three months and paid that $2/month thing to keep the signal, but not actually have cable.

When I got back it was another 6 weeks before I realized I was living without cable. I didn't miss it. Haven't missed it since.

Right now I'm almost finished working my way through the Sopranos. Arrested Development will be added to the Netflix Queue.

Mr. Nelson

You need to stop making assumptions. You'll be wrong an awful lot here. Just sayin'.

Nathan said...

Just 73 years to go, over at the "...War Room"! I'll wait.

OK, you've lost me here. Are you intimating it will take me 73 years to finish my novel? (I'm not saying you're wrong, but ouch).

Jeff Hentosz said...

Ahem.* Did you have a long day, today?

*{backward time stamps -- wink, wink -- heading toward 1981. How do I know if you'll bequeath the blog to your grandkids/holographic surrogate?}

John the Scientist said...

Oh, a singer. I only listen to Country for exactly this reason. Train wrecks are much fewer and further between in that genre, and they sing about things other than teenagers getting their naughty bits together. :p

Add me to the "never seen Arrested Development" group.

Anonymous said...

(I'm sure GWB is just being selfish)

Nathan said...

Mr. Nelson,

Your link isn't working. If its about GWB in Africa, I have to say that I think his initiatives regarding Malaria are one of his administration's successes. It seems to be showing signs of making a real difference.

OK? One point for your dude.

PS-If you go to, you can make a shorter link that won't overflow the comment box.

Anonymous said...

Are you sayin' my URL is too big?

The article can be found on the drudgereport homepage as of this moment. It's about Bob Geldof and his praise for Bush.

Anonymous said...

Eric said...

I don't have cable either. But I do own AD on DVD. (And after talking about it here last night, I pulled out Season One and started watching it again. It was hard to make myself stop watching, otherwise I would have been up all night.)

I think you'll enjoy it.

Tom said...

Not Safe For Children And Other Dainty Creatures (no matter what their age).

If you'd read more than, you know, JUST ONE BLOG, maybe you'd find out these things.

Nathan said...


I'll have you know, I've finished the internet once and I'm on my 2nd circuit.

Jeff Hentosz said...

If that's addressed to me, Tom, I'll thank you to have a little sensitivity. I live in the middle of Ohio, where we have to crank start our computers, get the fuel-oil mix just so, and connect to the 'net with one of those candlestick telephones where you twiddle the hooky-thing and ask Millie to connect you with the UNIVAC up to Mt. Pilot.

(Besides which, neither Google, nor Wikipedia, nor Urban Dictionary knows what your hash stands for either, so I accuse you of making it up to play us all for fools. Fools, I say!)

Tom said...

Well, Jeff, you're right that I made it up, but not to fool with you guys. I made it up for Janiece's post about John Mayer in a "Mankini?"

I don't think it's been used often enough (this is the 2nd time) to appear in the Urban Dictionary.

So crank up that old phone and get Mille to spread the word! Oh, wait. It's now referenced in Nathan's blog, it will soon become known throughout the Known Universe.

Nathan said...

I'm just trying to do my part.